I'm no movie critic but..

* * * * * 2 stars

1 star for Bree, Scott, & Brendan being there,

&

2 for the popcorn

Walking on a dream [song reference]

Well guys, I'm home now, I guess.  It doesn't feel quite right.  You know the days you feel like this?  Yeah, not today.  Today's more of a, "I may just pack up my bags, leave without saying goodbye (because goodbyes are just too darn hard and I always cry and they may just change my mind), and I may just never come back." Maybe it's just a case of the grass is always greener on the other side, I hear it's been going around.  

And amidst my thoughts & feelings of "what ifs" induced by a sheer lack of excitement this summer mixed with an ounce of fear for the future,

I thought:
What if I really did have the guts to leave?  What if I woke up tomorrow and ran?  Not in a cowardice way but in an adventurous "its time for a change" kind of way. 

But then I wondered:
Is there a difference between cowardice running and adventurous running?  Either way aren't we running from something?  Is there ever nobility in running? No, but what if I ran anyway?

And then I think:
What if I didn't always think so much?

The truth is that's my problem, or my power, I've never really been able to tell; I have too much baggage, too much to think about.  I think, as humans, we all do.  We have work, school, deadlines, and pressure.  We have responsibility and while, at times, I wouldn't mind leaving it behind, you have to look at both sides.  We have dreams, memories, family, friends, love, and  the truth is I could never leave because I could never leave all of that behind. 

Well, I guess I could to an extent, but I could never abandon it as fully as I'd need to just to survive one day alone.  I never could because whenever I'd go to buy Parmesan goldfish I'd see Cammie's face.  Whenever I'd smell chicken I'd think of Brayden.  Whenever I'd hear the name Unis, Lauren would come synonymously.  Then to top it off I'd hear How we do or Daylight and I'd start to tear up just at the thought. 

Thoughts of you, of him, of her, of us, would haunt me and I'd be right back with a case of the grass is always greener.


Then I'm  blessed again
because thoughts of Cammie, Brayden, Lauren, and Bree are making me smile.

And I remember:
Running is always running, hiding is always hiding, and someone else's problems are always less intimidating than your own.  Then again, maybe they aren't.

Then I think:
The grass may be greener on the other side, but it's just as hard to mow.


-Linds

oh ye of little faith:

...  ...  ...  ... ... ....  .... ... .... ....

The dark. Heights. Rejection. Being inadequate. Loss. Monsters in the closet. Dying alone. The ACT. Captivity. GROWING UP.  Being Flat broke. DON'T. Falling short. Becoming a' disappointment to them.  Risks. Standing out.  Saying the wrong thing. College. Making mistakes.  Being Old. Sin. LOSE.  Loosing Friends. Death.  Sadness. Being alone. Having Regrets.  Judgments. Looking like an idiot.  Michael Scott leaving the office. YOUR. Mother dying.  Change.  Missing them. Pain. Bree Leaving. Hurt. Ferris Wheels.  Heartache. Choosing wrong.  Perceptions. Leading them astray. FAITH. Ticks. Becoming what I swore I'd never be. Success.  The unknown.  Falling.  No one understanding.  Weakness. Forgetting it all. Trying.  Failing.  

...  ...  ...  ... ... ....  .... ... .... ....

And then I said,

"Take this fear from me, dear Lord."

and He did.

-Linds.



...and then I cried.

I get so frustrated when I find myself walking down the street barefoot while holding high heels in my hand and trying to make it to sacrement meeting on time.  All the while asking myself, "Why am I walking down the street with high heels in my hand or even trying to make it to sacrement meeting on time?" 

Then I say,
"Oh yeah! I remember.
You can't drive while on lowertab, Lindsey."

Wisdom teeth are the worst.

toothless and alone,
-Linds

duely noted

Well friends,
It's been 11 days and though my absence from the blogging world probably hasn't been noted at the top of your "Crisis' of the world" list, I am the formal type so, formally, I apologize.

I do feel, though, that my excuse is prime: It's summer and my brain has little material to feed from.  

Nevertheless, an update is in order and this is really all you need to know: 

Bree's roof is my new favorite place. 

Fireworks are my new favorite thing. 

July is my new favorite month. 

Oh, and, I almost forgot

happy (Late) birthday America

-Linds.

Rather Beautiful

Sometimes I am selfish and feel as though too much is asked of me.  Sometimes I am angry and wonder, why me?  Sometimes I am lost and feel very forgotten.

That's when, on nights like these, I look to the sky.  The sky that's covered in thick, rain-laden clouds.  Their burden is heavy; they have a job to do.  Much is expected of them, to replenish all the earth.  Like ours, theirs is no easy task.

But they do it anyway.

Then I think,

Life is hard in a rather beautiful way.