happy endings.

It's funny how much you can see in a person's eyes, once you really stop and look.  The love is there, I've seen it.  It's that moment when they smile and you  see a little bit of light spill out around the edges.  It's their favorite song and giving up half of their peanut butter and honey sandwich for you. It's laughter, and it's jamocha shakes from Arby's. 

It's love, and I've seen it.

And it's hard to look into the empty eyes of someone you used to know.  It's hard to look just to see that all the light has gone, taking with it a little bit of yours, too.  And every time you look back you'll see what's missing again, and it's hard to believe that you'll ever get any of it back. It's that little place in your heart, that little piece of love, that will always be reserved for them.

It's hard today, and I'm not sure that it'll ever get any easier.    

Then I look to that picture taped to my wall because all we can do now is love and wait and hope that maybe one day we'll have the chance to help somebody.

Yes, for now, I'll just wait and pray,
                        "Come back home, please."


-Linds

I Really Can't Stay.

                                          

                                    

I sit in sacrament, and I watch the first snow fall, 
and all I really want to do is go and touch the cold glass. 
I want my fingers to freeze and I want to see my breathe; it makes me feel a little more alive. 
I want to pray, and I want to really feel something. 
I want to feel the goose bumps on my arms and the snowflakes on my eyelashes. 
I want to watch the earth and the snow covered trees.

And I'll sit, and I'll feel, and I'll love. 
Because there's something about the seasons changing that really gets to me. 
Especially this one, because this time it's not so much about me, but Him. 
And we have the next twelve days to give to Him,
and I'm so grateful for that.

And I hope that everytime your socks are wet from the puddles of lost snowflakes, that you'll remember Him. 
I hope that every present you wrap and every light you see, inspires you to be better for Him.  
I hope that you'll drink hot chocolate with your best friends and that you'll be happy while doing it, because that's exactly what He would hope for you, too.

And I hope that you'll remember Christ this Christmas.

-Linds

Sometimes Books Teach Me Stuff

"There are some things that you hate

and some things that you thank God for

and some things that are both."

-The Prince Of Frogtown

Two Cents.

    

     Life is about living, and living entails happiness and sadness and joy and work.  Sometimes I forget the purpose, though, and I think to myself that it's just too hard.  Life is hard, and I think it again.  One day my mom heard my rantings and she laughed a little as she asked me this: Life is hard?  Do you really believe that? 

     She said it quietly, she said it slowly, and I thought.  It took a lot of years and a lot of questions before I realized that life isn't about being hard.  Life is simple, or it could be.  If we chose to smile, to work, to pray, to prioritize, it could be simple. 

      Let go of the things that aren't worth it.  Let go of the hurt feelings and let go of the people who put them there.  Let go and love.

      Do the things that matter, but don't mistake urgency for importance.  If you feel the inspiration, follow it, and if you find someone who needs love, give it.  Some days there are papers to be written and math problems to be solved, but I've found that when you make time running errands for God, He makes time for everything else.

      Live deliberately with love, with strength, with compassion, and everything else will fall into place.  There are bad things, and scary things, and hard things, but He can make them easier.

      Make today worth living.  Do something to make yourself better, happier, stronger.  Be aware and live today with a deliberate purpose and desire to grow.  And as you do you'll find love and joy and a new confidence in yourself.  You'll realize that there are some things that only you can do, some people who only you can bless.  And when you find that new love for yourself, life becomes easier.  It becomes an opportunity to serve and grow.  It becomes happiness, and everything else will work out.  

-Linds

or so I've heard

And this earth is a scary and cold and awful place to be, people will tell you. It's full of nothing but hate and greed and tears.  People are selfish, and people are dishonest, and people will cheat you until after you're dead.  The earth is lost, for the most part.  There are no boundaries, and there is no love, and things are certainly not looking up.

Or so they've said and so they'll say until long after we're all dead and burried in the ground and no one's left to hear them say it anymore. 

But I'm not really sure I believe that-- about this earth being nothing but a black hole of dispair.  In fact, I look at you and your eyes won't let me believe that.  Because at the morningside last week I saw you move so that girl would have a place to sit, before anyone even had time to notice.  And while most kids would be texting, my best friend was taking notes.  Then wyatt offered to take my chair.

I can't believe it because while we were having a sleepover a couple nights ago, she told me, "God knows the way to everyone's heart."  And her faith gave me a little hope that my friend would be ok.

I can't believe it because my sister spent all of yesterday making pies with my mom when I'm pretty sure she could have thought of an excuse like I did.

I can't believe it because I went to seminary and Dalton talked about forgivness and how he said that it was ok.  It was ok that they had broken into his house.  It was ok that they had stollen everything.  It was ok, and he still loved them.  Forgivness like that refuses to let me believe it.

And I heard you crying yesterday, because you don't know how to help her.

And I saw you come to church alone a couple of weeks ago, and even though I know you'd never say it, I can only imagine how hard that would be.

And you told me about how scary it is to do the right thing, but you're going to do it anyway.

This earth is a scary and cold and awful place to be, proabably a lot of the time.  But I see you smile and I hear you pray and I realize there is a lot more to it than that.  People laugh and people grow and people will love you until long after you're dead.  And maybe it's not so much what's on this earth but the way you see it.  And maybe it's not so much what's in this world as it is what you do with it.

It is true, they'll say, people are broken and beaten and alone.  But I'm not so sure I believe that either.  People are compassionate and strong and inherently good.  You are compassionate and strong and inherently good.  And I'm a little sick of people discounting you, because you are the only thing that stops this world from becoming that black hole of dispair they're always talking about. 

Your light is my hope, and I love you for being that.

-Linds

Thanks Giving.

Let's be honest-- I've lacked inspiration these last coupld of months.  I don't think it's lost though, it's just tired. 

But there's something about being so blissfully in love-- in love with this beautiful place, in love with these extraordinary people-- that inspiration can't help but to notice.

And it seems only fitting that on this week of Thanksgiving I feel nothing but love and adoration. 

This place I live is beautiful, and I'm thankful for it every day.  Yesterday I sat with my greatest friend late into the night and watched the snow fall.  And I just sat and wondered how any one moment could be so perfectly whole and beautiful. 

These people I have are incredible and I am thankful that I have them every day.  We play in the snow and drink hot chocolate together.  Sometimes we have group hugs and I pray silently.  Sometimes I don't say much, mostly just thank you.  Thank you for giving me this much love.  Mostly I just ask that He'll let me feel so much love forever. 

But sometimes I say a lot and ask that He'll lead them towards all of their dreams, even the crazy ones, and that when they finally get there that it'll be just as beautiful as they had always imagined.  Or at least that it'll be as beautiful as this moment right now. 

And there is a lot to be thankful for. Like my clothes and my room and my car.  But the truth is, right now I don't really care because love is all you really need. And when I kneel down again tonight love is what I'll be thankful for.

-Linds

because it was so human

The sun doesn't always shine, and neither do people

And somedays i expect too much from them,

and judge too quickly of them,

and think too little for them.

When the truth is I just don't know enough about them.



-linds.

Nose Goes?

Well, it looks like I've been tagged by a few of you lovely ladies, so here it goes:  Seven Things

(or more accuratly titled: Eighteen Things)

1. My name is Lindsey,

    Linds is better though.

    I like people who call me Linds better, too.

2. Cinco De Mayo is my birthday

3. I have a cat named Lucy

    I secretly like her

4. I have 3 little sisters

    I am the oldest

    I secretly like that, too.

5. I am obsessed with the O.C. and the Office

6. I have one blue eye and one brown eye,

    accompanied by twenty gazillion freckles.

7. I write EVERYTHING down

8. I love to read

9. Words are my inspiration and sanctuary

10. I live to write, and play phase ten with my grandpa

11. I probably speak more fluently in quotes than English

12. I'm not as sympathetic as I should be

13. I admire people,
   
     and I aprecciate people
   
     I like that about me

14. I over-analyze sometimes

     But I guess I like that, too

15. Ever since we learned the trees in biology

     I get distracted when I drive

     because I am always debating on whether
   
     the silver leaf maple is the prettiest,

     or the weeping white birch across the

     street

16. I drive with my windows down 365 days of the year

17. I believe in silent prayers

     and that nothing can beat pictures of your best friends,

     or almond m&m's

18. The one and possibly only thing that I know for
  
     certain after seventeen years: everything is alright




and you are?
-Linds

At ten fifty-nine in the evening

 

Today I sat down to write a letter to a complete stranger about a day I consider to have changed my entire life.
I sat in my pretty yellow chair.
I sat on my soft brown carpet.
I sat on the porch outside my house, and I listened to the birds.
And I sat for hours trying to figure out how on earth I could make her understand why that one moment was so vital to who W am today.  And I finally pinpointed it to one day, one moment, one prayer, but the truth is, it was so my more than that. 

It was the little voice telling me I had to get out before the prayer and it was the little voice telling me I had to get in even before that.  And it was every scary movie, and walk to Macey's, and hurt feeling before that.  The point is, there's every moment before the big one.  Everything is leading to something else.  A moment doesn't define you, a million little moments do.

So maybe today, when I heard those girls making fun of that nice boy in English class, I was supposed to hear something else too.  Maybe I was supposed to hear god saying, you should try to be a little kinder.  Maybe I heard those things so my heart would be a little softer towards the strangers I meet tomorrow.

And maybe it really wasn't just chance in ninth grade that I told that girl standing behind me that I liked her shoes.  Maybe that little voice in my head that told me to say it knew that she'd lead me somewhere beautiful.  I'm prettty sure He knew that we'd be friends. 

And maybe the same thing will happen with the girl I'll compliment tomorrow.

And Even though it's hard, and even though I'm scared, maybe the key is believing that it's all in hopes of a better tomorrow.  Maybe I cried yesterday so I could see what was really so important about today.  And maybe there's just something left that I still need to learn, and maybe this is happening because God loves me enough to teach me.

You have to believe that everything happens right on time.  Today, right now, this moment, is for you.  Nothing is an acciedent.  There is no such thing as coincidence.  You are here, right now.  Your life is changing, today.  You'll have hard times and bad days and you'll be better because of them.  


"Your journey has molded you for the greater good.  It was exactly what it needed to be.  Don't think you've lost time.  It took each and every situation you have encountered to bring you to the now, and now is right on time."
              -Asha Tyson





Tik Tock?

-Linds

   

Whole.

"I want to believe that, in a city of nearly three million people, there has to be someone else who sees the world in the beautiful way that I do."  (Postsecret.com) ^^^^^

Well, I do; I see it.

I see the crazy hair and the sunflowers and the girl reading alone in the library.  I hear the birds and the laughter and the telephone ringing.  I see the trash on the corner and I smell the freshly cut grass.  I lay in the fields and i look at the stars, and I see it.  

I see the weeds growing through the sidewalk cracks and I feel a little sad for them and I guess it's because I know what it's like to feel unwanted.  And in their will to flourish, I see it.

I see the railroad tracks and I hear the bicycle wheels as they turn down my little street past my little house.  I smell the cornbread that I sometimes make on Sundays and I smile at the texts that sometimes make me cry because they are so beautifully sincere.  And through their love, I see it.

I hear my sisters prayers and I feel the truth in that classroom as he talks about God.  I see the kindness in their faces and I see the gratitude in hers as they say she's been wonderful.  And I see it in her tears as they fall.

I get angry when I hear them whisper but then I smile because it may just be that God is trying to teach me something.  Then tears fill my eyes as gratitude fills my heart when I remember those people who've changed me.  And it's in their eyes that I see it. 

And my heart changes shape as I think of you and my eyes widen as I watch that little girl touch her hand gently and my ears lingre a little longer on the I love you's.  Every moment I realize His love a little more fully and everything I see becomes a little more clear.

And I want to shout, "I do. I see it."

I see God's hand as I look to the mountains and I hear His voice in your advice. 

I see it, and I realize that there's something beautiful about an imperfect world, and I realize that maybe things aren't always supposed to go as planned. 

And maybe life can be beautiful without being perfect. 

Empty Glasses.

Sometimes I lack faith, but I refuse to cry.

And I know it's just my doubt talking,

but could you tell me, just one more time,

that it's all going to be ok?

-Linds

Good As Waffels

Today was spent eating spaghetti with my best friends, working with the best mama, and looking up worthless pictures on weheartit.com (^see above^)

Life is too good right now.

And I'm free again, finally.

-Linds 

Heavy Boots

8-18-11

"Maybe it's the fact that I've known since the beginning that Monday would have to come eventually or maybe it's the fact that I've wished it wouldn't have to everyday since then.  Maybe it's the way the thunder storms have kept me up every night this week or maybe it's just a relief that I'm too afraid to realize; Have you ever wondered if the fear of being alone is worse than the actual loneliness?

Well, for whatever reason, I was afraid and felt very much forgotten in those fears.  So when he said, "I understand" I didn't believe him, because, really, how could he possibly feel and know all of the fear and hope and love and loss that consumes my every thought?  When he said, "I understand" it hurt.  And when he said, "I understand" I wondered if such a blatant, insincere lie tasted bitter on his lips."


8-29-11

Have you ever sat with a group of strangers and wondered about all of the billions of things that you don't know about them?  You may know their name, possibly where they're from, and based off a split second of judgment you've probably picked up a few superficial, insignificant details that probably aren't true, but, what about everything else?

What about their first love, or that time they realized that everything doesn't go as planned, or why they aren't as happy as they could be? What about those defining moments? 

Forget the group of strangers, what about your best friend?  How much do you really KNOW about them?  Do you know what they're most afraid of?  Do you know what makes them smile bigger than anything else?  What about those times that they were hurt or embarrassed?  Have you ever asked?  Do you think they'd tell you?

It's alarming how many disposable details we appreciate and what little attention we pay to the things that actually matter.  So much of what we "know"  is assumed and so little of what we "know" is sincere.


8-18-11, agian.

"... and I sit there thinking again, and I smile because not one of them knows.  Chances are, not one of them ever will.  They don't know I was late because I was crying and waiting for my tears to dry.  They'll never realize how incredibly alone I feel right now.  Even if they did know, I'm not sure that I'd try and explain because I'm not sure anyone could ever understand and I'm too afraid that they wouldn't to try."


8-29-11, agian.

The truth is, I had a whole post planned about how the phrase, "I understand" is the most frequently told lie.  I had a whole post planned about how superficial and ignorant we are.  I had a whole post planned about how we really are alone.

Yet, here I am, ten days later, and I'm thinking again. 

And I'm thinking that the real truth is, "I understand" is the most frequently told hope.  I think we really do understand, or at least we want to.  We all want someone to relate with, even if it's just so we know that we aren't completely crazy. Maybe the real dilemma isn't that we're alone, maybe it's that we are just too afraid to admit that we're human. We're all so worried about making friends and fitting in and being something we're supposed to be that we aren't honest about what we really are. 

Now go back to the billions of things you don't know. To the billions of things you were either too selfish, or too self-consious, or too scared to ask.  Go back to all of the experiences never documented and secrets never told.  There is more loneliness, and love, and heart ache out there than we could ever possibly know.  How, then, could we be so vain as to think we are ever alone in this vast universe?

I got a letter from someone I admire very much a couple of weeks ago and in it she said this, "... Your words were so delicatly honest and I believe that you can reach and relate to many people with that." 

The key is sincerity, let people in and you'll realize you're never really alone.



I understand.

-Linds.

Hello August!

Today is the epitome of summer, I can just feel it. 

Let's go for a bike ride, eh?

8-5-11,

Be there.

-Linds.