Anyway, I love my bedroom. I love the lamp and my mirrors and my bedspread and new carpet. I love my cushion chair and desk and hundreds of pictures. I love it all. So when I know someone will be staying in my room, say an aunt, I always take extra time to make it look perfect. I put up new pictures, straighten my bedspread, and make sure every piece of dirty laundry I own is strategically placed out of view, the works. And it's not as much some OCD quirk I have as much as it is a some sort of abnormal showcasing of my life. In an odd way my room is very much apart of me.
The story is always the same, my mom will say, "Have you seen Linds's new room?". Aunt/cousin/distant relative, "No, let's take a look." This is the part where I proceed to walk casually down the stairs, leading them to the second bedroom on the left, all the while acting as if so much thought and preparation hadn't gone into this one minuscule moment.
Then the moment of truth, I push open the squeaking door and take the first step into my space, my creation, me. And the first thing I look to is constant, it's that board, that beautiful magnet board filled with receipts and coupons and hundreds of pictures, pictures of you. The same board I look to every day. And for this one moment I feel so blessed and loved. For this one moment I feel so overcome with joy and hope and pride and respect and admiration. In this one moment all I want is for them to feel this love, too. But, all they ever say is some variation of, "Awe, blah, blah, cute Linds." and occasionally they'll throw in a, "Did your mom make that?" or "Where did you get you magnet board?"
I'm not sure why that gets me every time, I mean, what do I expect? How can I blame them? Actually, my mom did make that magnet board and it is really "cute". I guess I forget that when they look at my board all they see are stripes of yellow and pink and green, accompanied by 32 little bottle pop magnets. They don't see what I see.
To them it's a picture of me making an ugly face, they don't see us skipping school to go to the temple then dressing up to eat sushi for the very first time.
To them it's two kids classically posed for a prom picture. They don't see me and my best friend singing "hail to the nine", "forget you", and "hallelujah". Then later sending each other voice messages.
To them it's just two kids eating ice cream on a bench. They don't see that it's my birthday and us cooking hot pockets in that microwave by the deli in macey's. They don't see that there are no two people I'd rather be with.
To them it's just me and Lauren making distracted smiles, hair blowing in the wind. They don't see us riding the four wheeler and chasing cows while listening to "Teenage dream".
To them they're just pictures, but, how could I blame them? How could they possibly see just how much love and admiration I have for you? They can't, but the simple, straight up, I'm-just-going-to-say-it-truth is, I love you. I love you, yep, I love you. I love you to the moon and back fifty gazillion times, times two. I love you with my whole heart and then some. I really do, and the truth is, I owe you big.
Why? Because you made me, me. And the funny thing is, few people will ever know the reason I always make someone else break my fortune cookie for good luck is because of Michaela Crismon in third grade. Or the reason I get good grades is because Margo did and I'm competitive. Or the reason I am nice to the beehives at church is because Tasi Cook was so nice to me.
I guess the point is, people won't always understand you, or the things you do, or the impact you've made on other's lives, don't expect them to. Really, it doesn't matter if people understand at all because, somebody, like me, thinks the world of you.
And I just wanted to say thank you because everyday it's you I look up to.
So challenge #2? Say thanks to those people who have influenced you. They probably don't even know how much they mean to you, so tell them. Because the truth is, they made you, you... and you owe them big, because you're pretty great.
"it's ok, you'll just owe me"
-Linds
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