my whole heart

We went to the mountains, in the winter.  It’s January, and the people’s latest complaint has been for the lack of snow, but it’s there.  All it takes is a few yards of mountain, and you’ll find it.  


We walked, and I looked at the stream: the ice and the ripples in the water.  There was just enough snow to turn my nose pink and place goosebumps on my forearms.  


The trees were so tall, and I had to look all the way up to that forewarning sky, full of pink and orange clouds, just to see their tops.  All their leaves had fallen-- excluding a few who refused to let go... and I wondered if perhaps it was in fear of leaving the only life they had ever known.  I’m still amazed by how beautiful they had looked; how strong and faithful they seemed even through the dead of winter.  Even amidst their darkest nights, they clung on. 


We walked over a worn bridge and down a ways to the waterfall; it looked like an ice castle.  There were icicles, and the sun shown down into that little canyon.  My eyes were again drawn to the ripples in the water as it rushed down the little hill, seamlessly.  


And as we looked back I couldn’t help but to think, “If this isn’t nice then I don’t know what is.”* And we talked about the mountains, and I thought about the sunshine as he walked with me.


And I guess all I’m really wondering is, when was the last time a moment was so beautiful that you paused to thank God for it?


-Linds

*Kurt Vonnegut has the most beautiful words.

that’s just me, before we met

They asked for a biographical sketch, to which I replied:  
I was born in Casper, Wyoming, but Utah is my real home.  I enjoy basketball and AP calculus.  Writing is an imperative pastime, and football games with the family are, too.  I like to hike the G with my friends, and sometimes I go to Las Vegas on vacation.      


All of which is accurate, verifiable,... true. 


But it felt cliche, counterfeit,... fake.


I guess it’s just hard for me to define myself in 300 words or less, and this is probably what I should have said:


My name is Lindsey, I am seventeen years old.  And the truth is, I care about people and the way the sun shines through the clouds each evening a lot more than the grade I'll get on my biology test tomorrow.  


My name is Lindsey, and I’ve spent countless nights lying in the bed of my truck looking for something in that vast sea of stars.  Sometimes when I look at the moon it makes me want to cry it's so beautiful, but i've never shed as many tears in the moonlight as I have while reading over people's sincere words.  


My name is Lindsey, and I believe in love; it is the only thing that has ever given me true, enduring joy.  I believe in people, too; they are the only thing that keeps bringing that love to me. 


My name is Lindsey, and I’m afraid of the future.  I’m afraid of change and the unknown, but I’m mostly afraid of missing you when i leave.  I'm afraid of forgetting. 


My name is Lindsey, and someone once told me the future is as bright as your faith. I’ve been looking up ever since.  
Then, just when I was about to give in to that pounding in my head, she said, “the ones who are crazy enough to think they can change the world are the ones who actually do.” I’ve been crazy ever since.  


My name is Lindsey. I bite my nails, I have one million split ends, and I've never once had a tan.  Sometimes I forget my drivers license on my mantle, and sometimes I forget to bite my tongue.  


My name is Lindsey, and I say silent prayers of thanks sometimes because my life is just too beautiful, and I have the most beautiful friends. 

My name is Lindsey.  I am sometimes alone, and I'm sometimes scared, but I like to think that one day I'll change things.  Maybe not the whole world, maybe just his smile, but I like to think that one day that’ll be enough.


-Linds 
  

"And So It Goes"

 (Via)

Life's just so busy sometimes, and I'm tired.  
And I just need one second.


Give me one second to breath, to love, to cry.  One second to read that note; one second to notice those wandering stars.  One second to say, "I Love You."  One second to listen.


Because I'm certain all I need is just one second to blink, and it'd all slow down again.  Maybe if I just had one second to breath I could remember why I'm lying here smiling in the first place.  Just give me one second, please, one second to remember how beautiful this one second has been.    


Give me one second to remember what it's like to be young. Just one second to remember, please, and I swear I'll never forget what it means to be infinite.  

"You can breath, 

 You can breath, now.

 You can breath, but the air is running out."

 (Jack's Mannequin)

-Linds