We talked about Christ today, and she asked me to say all of the things that we've been saying for the past two weeks. And she asked me to tell about all of the thoughts and words and stories we've found ourselves telling at three in the morning.
So, I thought for a minute, and this is probably what I should have said:
You know, I want to be brave, and I want to be kind, and I really want to be good. They're little words, but they're big things, and I think about them a lot. And I walk some days, and I whisper, I'll go where you want me to go, dear Lord. Not because I always do, but because I want to have a heart that follows.
But there are days when I'm not kind and I'm not brave. I don't always listen, and sometimes I forget to call. Sometimes, I don't look for the good in people, and somedays it's easier just not to try.
And you know, my heart isn't perfect, and neither is my love.
But I want it to be.
I want my words to be sincere. I want my heart to be kind and my voice to be gentle. I want to see the good in others, even though I don't all of the time.
Mostly, I want to look at the world and see things the way my Savior does. I want to see the hurt that he saw, and I want to see the faith. I want to find the joy and the love and the talents that I don't always take the time to look for.
I don't ever want to be too tired, or too hungry, or too busy to help. Because He never was.
And I'm not even close to there yet. I haven't even left, and somedays that just doesn't feel like enough.
But I think about my Savior. I think about His hands and His voice and His heart. I think about all the days He's protected me and all of the times He's watched.
And I know that He saw me keep walking because I was too afraid to stop. And He saw bite my tongue, even after he had given me the words. And I know that He knows that my love isn't quite enough yet.
He knows my trials and my desires and the things that make me scared.
I know He knows my heart.
And sometimes I think that maybe that's enough for now. Maybe it's enough that I want to be kind, and I want to brave, and I really want to be good.
Maybe it's enough that I try to see the good in people and that I follow the best that I can. Maybe it's not about keeping score.
And maybe life's not about being perfect right now.
Maybe, just telling Him that you want to be is enough.
-Linds
2.25.2013
2.13.2013
Sentimental Hearts
I've been thinking about the mountains lately. I've been thinking about all the nights I've spent there.
That's something that I remembered a lot when I first came to school. Hiking the G at midnight. We didn't really want to, but somehow we found ourselves together there.
I remember the whispers as we walked, and I remember the lights we saw once we got there. I remember the leaves and the dark the warm air.
Mostly, though, I remember that we didn't have any words. Mostly because we didn't need them. That night was about the clouds and the sky and realizing that this really was our home-- at least for a little while.
And I remember saying thank you, with every part of my heart. And I remember wondering if, quietly, you were saying thank you too.
I have this dream that one day, long after I've gone, you'll come back to this place just to see if it really was as beautiful as I always promised.
And when you do, I hope you'll open your eyes and find all of the love and thanks and life here that we did.
-Linds
That's something that I remembered a lot when I first came to school. Hiking the G at midnight. We didn't really want to, but somehow we found ourselves together there.
I remember the whispers as we walked, and I remember the lights we saw once we got there. I remember the leaves and the dark the warm air.
Mostly, though, I remember that we didn't have any words. Mostly because we didn't need them. That night was about the clouds and the sky and realizing that this really was our home-- at least for a little while.
And I remember saying thank you, with every part of my heart. And I remember wondering if, quietly, you were saying thank you too.
* * *
I have this dream that one day, long after I've gone, you'll come back to this place just to see if it really was as beautiful as I always promised.
And when you do, I hope you'll open your eyes and find all of the love and thanks and life here that we did.
-Linds
2.11.2013
the view from upstairs
Did I mention there’s a window here?
There’s a window and a tree.
And it really is the most wonderful thing.
Sometimes I lie with an open window late into the night. I turn out the lights, and I look up at the sky. It’s dark, and it’s wonderful, and it even feels like home sometimes. Mostly because God’s there.
Sometimes I talk to Him too. I ask Him to say all of the things that I can’t right now. I ask Him to listen. Mostly I try and say thank you, though, and that’s mostly because He loves me. And I’m thankful for that.
Sometimes I look up through my tree just to find the moon. I always do, and I always smile. Mostly because life really is the most wonderful thing, and the moon has always reminded me of that.
-Linds
2.09.2013
given much
I've spent a lot of words saying thank you lately. Thank you for this place and those stars and my leopard spotted blanket. And I keep saying, "Thank you for this abundance of love."
And I said it again last night.
I've been thinking about that a lot lately, abundance, I mean. And you know what I think? I think that there is an abundance of wealth and love and good in this world. I think that that's the catch we all forget.
We have this idea that there isn't enough. So, we need to ration and take and divide.
But I don't think I really believe that. I think that there is enough love and wealth and goodness for all of us. There is an abundance of opportunity. There is an abundance of love.
Our trouble comes when we forget that God made enough when he created us. We're creators. We create love and wealth and goodness.
So, if there isn't enough, go make more. Take all your love and kind words and pretty thoughts and big ideas and faith and equations and goals and desires and ambitions and add them.
There is an abundance of good things. Thank God for it, and then add yours to it.
Share your talent and your love and your passion with the world. Find something wonderful, and then smile or laugh or cry because you think it's beautiful. Do what you love, and then share it with the world. Write it or speak it or yell it. Lift someone up.
Go out and look to the sky and find what it is that you have to give, and then give it everything.
Stop complaining about the lack, and go and create more.
And the beautiful thing is, there is enough love and opportunity for everyone. If we all create, it can only get bigger.
-Linds
And I said it again last night.
I've been thinking about that a lot lately, abundance, I mean. And you know what I think? I think that there is an abundance of wealth and love and good in this world. I think that that's the catch we all forget.
We have this idea that there isn't enough. So, we need to ration and take and divide.
But I don't think I really believe that. I think that there is enough love and wealth and goodness for all of us. There is an abundance of opportunity. There is an abundance of love.
Our trouble comes when we forget that God made enough when he created us. We're creators. We create love and wealth and goodness.
So, if there isn't enough, go make more. Take all your love and kind words and pretty thoughts and big ideas and faith and equations and goals and desires and ambitions and add them.
There is an abundance of good things. Thank God for it, and then add yours to it.
Share your talent and your love and your passion with the world. Find something wonderful, and then smile or laugh or cry because you think it's beautiful. Do what you love, and then share it with the world. Write it or speak it or yell it. Lift someone up.
Go out and look to the sky and find what it is that you have to give, and then give it everything.
Stop complaining about the lack, and go and create more.
And the beautiful thing is, there is enough love and opportunity for everyone. If we all create, it can only get bigger.
-Linds
2.06.2013
New Love
6-24-12
Every summer, I seem to find myself sitting here on this front porch. It’s little, but there’s just enough space for two people to squeeze on, and I’ve found that that’s all I’ve ever really asked of it anyway. I look out to the dark weeds growing through the sidewalk and the blue shutters hanging from the house across the street. There are bumble bees next to me, and my feet feel warm on the pavement.
And I say thank you because I can breathe here.
Your heart changes sometimes, and so does your love.
Sometimes you need to remember what it feels like to be alone. Not because there aren’t plenty of people to be with or because there isn’t plenty of love to be found, but because sometimes you need to remember all the reasons you love yourself. You are creative and happy and beautiful, and sometimes remembering that is the most important thing.
And sometimes you need to remember those things that make you happy, and sometimes the things that make you happy change.
Today
It's hard to grow up sometimes. Mostly because you're not sure what you love anymore. Noah and the Whale might not always make your heart beat slower and one day you'll run out of late nights spent on the roof.
Then again, you'll wake up one morning and realize that February is beautiful. It's nice to see the sun again. And there are trees everywhere you go, and people smile while they walk.
And maybe you'll realize late nights spent in a dorm room can make you happy too, and waking up to the snow falling out your window is something to look forward to. You'll have dance parties every Sunday, and letters come on Fridays now.
Your heart changes sometimes, and so does your love.
But all that means is there's more room. There's room for midnight drives and late night calls and time spent looking out your window.
There's room for vanilla scented candles and Boy Meets World marathons and nights spent dancing to 'Stolen' by Dashboard. There's even room for the moon.
And there's room for 18, and 19, and 20... and you can save some of 17 too.
It's hard to grow up sometimes, but it gets easier when you remember you can save your favorite parts. You can save all the bike rides and concerts and quesadillas you made senior year. You can save 'Buffet Singles Ward Sundays' and that time you roller bladed to Macey's last summer.
You keep your courage and I'll keep my eyes and we can sit on this little porch all night.
-Linds
Every summer, I seem to find myself sitting here on this front porch. It’s little, but there’s just enough space for two people to squeeze on, and I’ve found that that’s all I’ve ever really asked of it anyway. I look out to the dark weeds growing through the sidewalk and the blue shutters hanging from the house across the street. There are bumble bees next to me, and my feet feel warm on the pavement.
And I say thank you because I can breathe here.
Your heart changes sometimes, and so does your love.
Sometimes you need to remember what it feels like to be alone. Not because there aren’t plenty of people to be with or because there isn’t plenty of love to be found, but because sometimes you need to remember all the reasons you love yourself. You are creative and happy and beautiful, and sometimes remembering that is the most important thing.
And sometimes you need to remember those things that make you happy, and sometimes the things that make you happy change.
Today
It's hard to grow up sometimes. Mostly because you're not sure what you love anymore. Noah and the Whale might not always make your heart beat slower and one day you'll run out of late nights spent on the roof.
Then again, you'll wake up one morning and realize that February is beautiful. It's nice to see the sun again. And there are trees everywhere you go, and people smile while they walk.
And maybe you'll realize late nights spent in a dorm room can make you happy too, and waking up to the snow falling out your window is something to look forward to. You'll have dance parties every Sunday, and letters come on Fridays now.
Your heart changes sometimes, and so does your love.
But all that means is there's more room. There's room for midnight drives and late night calls and time spent looking out your window.
There's room for vanilla scented candles and Boy Meets World marathons and nights spent dancing to 'Stolen' by Dashboard. There's even room for the moon.
And there's room for 18, and 19, and 20... and you can save some of 17 too.
It's hard to grow up sometimes, but it gets easier when you remember you can save your favorite parts. You can save all the bike rides and concerts and quesadillas you made senior year. You can save 'Buffet Singles Ward Sundays' and that time you roller bladed to Macey's last summer.
You keep your courage and I'll keep my eyes and we can sit on this little porch all night.
-Linds
2.04.2013
See, One Tree Hill is good for a lot of things.
“It’s the oldest story in the world. One day you’re seventeen and planning for someday. And then quietly and without you ever really noticing, someday is today. And that someday is yesterday. And this is your life.”
-my boy, Nathan Scott
It's midnight drives to the grove.
It's almond joy ice cream.
It's Mat Kearney and Dashboard and missing those yellow leaves.
It's frosted car windows
and visiting little red headed girls.
It's dream catchers and frozen toes.
It's pictures of you on my wall.
It's phone calls and late nights and missing that little truck.
It's old friends kept and new ones made.
It's long books and good people and figuring out what to do with forever.
And this is my life.
-Linds
It's midnight drives to the grove.
It's almond joy ice cream.
It's Mat Kearney and Dashboard and missing those yellow leaves.
It's frosted car windows
and visiting little red headed girls.
It's dream catchers and frozen toes.
It's pictures of you on my wall.
It's phone calls and late nights and missing that little truck.
It's old friends kept and new ones made.
It's long books and good people and figuring out what to do with forever.
And this is my life.
-Linds
2.03.2013
my place on the hill
Honestly, I don't remember a lot.
I don't remember what it smelt like or how the air tasted or even really what I was doing there. I don't know if I was overwhelmed or happy. I'm not sure why I was alone.
I remember the mountains, though.
I remember my leaky truck.
I remember the lights and the lake and rolling down the hill in the summer.
And I'm not sure what I thought there, or why I always tried to make that hill my favorite place.
All I know is, I would give up a lot of days and grilled cheese sandwiches to sit up on my hill again.
I'd walk to my car and roll down the window, even though it's winter and it's cold. And I'd drive, and I'd drive, and I'd drive... just to sit on my hill, just to see the lights, just to be home...
Just to drive right back.
And maybe it doesn't really matter what happened there. Maybe it doesn't really matter if it smelt like rain or if it smelt like cut grass.
Maybe the only thing that matters is that it took me when I was overwhelmed, and it took me when I was happy. Maybe the only thing that matters is, it was the home that gave me the stars.
-Linds
I don't remember what it smelt like or how the air tasted or even really what I was doing there. I don't know if I was overwhelmed or happy. I'm not sure why I was alone.
I remember the mountains, though.
I remember my leaky truck.
I remember the lights and the lake and rolling down the hill in the summer.
And I'm not sure what I thought there, or why I always tried to make that hill my favorite place.
All I know is, I would give up a lot of days and grilled cheese sandwiches to sit up on my hill again.
I'd walk to my car and roll down the window, even though it's winter and it's cold. And I'd drive, and I'd drive, and I'd drive... just to sit on my hill, just to see the lights, just to be home...
Just to drive right back.
And maybe it doesn't really matter what happened there. Maybe it doesn't really matter if it smelt like rain or if it smelt like cut grass.
Maybe the only thing that matters is that it took me when I was overwhelmed, and it took me when I was happy. Maybe the only thing that matters is, it was the home that gave me the stars.
-Linds
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