own it.

You know, I've always been in love with words. I write down the things you say in testimony meeting, and I actually liked reading the American Crisis last semester.  I take notes on every book, I save every letter, and I've never loved a painting you didn't talk about first.

You know, I've always been in love with words, but I wasn't always brave enough to say that.  I remember being in Junior High, sitting in eighth-grade english, too nervous to even open a notebook.  I wanted to write everything, but I didn't want you to know that.  

See, I was that little girl who always had something to say but was too afraid to write it.  Mostly because I was afraid of what they would think.

And I never wanted you to see because it's not cool to be passionate when you're in the eighth grade.  You're not supposed to care about math or art or words.

Thankfully, I'm not in the eighth grade anymore, and maybe it's just part of growing up, but I don't feel that way anymore either.  

I am nineteen though, and your tears made me think that maybe learning to be yourself isn't as simple as just growing older.  Maybe, sometimes, it takes some help too.

When I was in tenth grade, I met my best friend.  She loved biology and the teacher who taught it.  She loved goat milk and had two goats that gave it to her.  She still loves old-people candy like Good 'n Plenty and Raisinets even though I tell her not to every day.

Biology and goat milk and Raisinets are not and never will be "cool", but that's what I've always admired about her.  She never listened to what she was supposed to think.  She just loved what she loved, and she loved that she loved it.  

And that is the greatest gift that she could have ever given me because it allowed me to do the same.  It was okay to fill notebooks with words about the American Revolution.  It was okay to love that old truck even if the handles always fell off, and the roof leaked sometimes. And it was okay to pray when we were scared, and it was okay to be good at dancing badly, and it was okay to cry happy tears even though they're usually unnecessary.

Thankfully, I'm not in the eighth grade anymore, but sometimes I think that things haven't really changed that much since then.  There are still people who'll tell you what to think and who'll tell you how to act and who'll tell you what to love and what not to love. 

But someday you'll realize none of their voices really matter.  There isn't a right thing or a right way or a right time.  

and it's amazing how much power came when I realized that.  It was okay to love everything that I always have.  and it was okay to be passionate.  It was okay to be excited about semicolons.  It was okay to cry during "What Would You Do?".  It was okay to be really honest, and it was okay to really care.  

Passion really is everything.  Find the thing that you love, and own it.  Commit to it.  Be excited about it.  Tell the world that you're excited about it.  It's okay to be that crazy girl who loves going to real-estate conferences or that weird boy who's really into technology and reads up on apple news every morning.

And it's okay because our hearts don't beat the same, but all that means is that that passion inside you is yours.

And that's something to be proud of.  



-Linds

given much

I've spent a lot of words saying thank you lately.  Thank you for  this place and those stars and my leopard spotted blanket.  And I keep saying, "Thank you for this abundance of love."  

And I said it again last night.  

I've been thinking about that a lot lately, abundance, I mean.  And you know what I think?  I think that there is an abundance of wealth and love and good in this world.  I think that that's the catch we all forget.  

We have this idea that there isn't enough.  So, we need to ration and take and divide.  

But I don't think I really believe that.  I think that there is enough love and wealth and goodness for all of us.  There is an abundance of opportunity.  There is an abundance of love.  

Our trouble comes when we forget that God made enough when he created us.  We're creators.  We create love and wealth and goodness.  

So, if there isn't enough, go make more.  Take all your love and kind words and pretty thoughts and big ideas and faith and equations and goals and desires and ambitions and add them.

There is an abundance of good things.  Thank God for it, and then add yours to it.  

Share your talent and your love and your passion with the world. Find something wonderful, and then smile or laugh or cry because you think it's beautiful.  Do what you love, and then share it with the world. Write it or speak it or yell it.  Lift someone up. 

Go out and look to the sky and find what it is that you have to give, and then give it everything.  

Stop complaining about the lack, and go and create more.   

And the beautiful thing is, there is enough love and opportunity for everyone.  If we all create, it can only get bigger.  


-Linds

New Love

6-24-12

Every summer, I seem to find myself sitting here on this front porch.  It’s little, but there’s just enough space for two people to squeeze on, and I’ve found that that’s all I’ve ever really asked of it anyway.  I look out to the dark weeds growing through the sidewalk and the blue shutters hanging from the house across the street. There are bumble bees next to me, and my feet feel warm on the pavement. 

And I say thank you because I can breathe here.   

Your heart changes sometimes, and so does your love.   

Sometimes you need to remember what it feels like to be alone.  Not because there aren’t plenty of people to be with or because there isn’t plenty of love to be found, but because sometimes you need to remember all the reasons you love yourself.  You are creative and happy and beautiful, and sometimes remembering that is the most important thing.

And sometimes you need to remember those things that make you happy, and sometimes the things that make you happy change.   


Today

It's hard to grow up sometimes.  Mostly because you're not sure what you love anymore.  Noah and the Whale might not always make your heart beat slower and one day you'll run out of late nights spent on the roof.  

Then again, you'll wake up one morning and realize that February is beautiful.  It's nice to see the sun again.  And there are trees everywhere you go, and people smile while they walk.  

And maybe you'll realize late nights spent in a dorm room can make you happy too, and waking up to the snow falling out your window is something to look forward to.  You'll have dance parties every Sunday, and letters come on Fridays now.

Your heart changes sometimes, and so does your love.

But all that means is there's more room. There's room for midnight drives and late night calls and time spent looking out your window.

There's room for vanilla scented candles and Boy Meets World marathons and nights spent dancing to 'Stolen' by Dashboard.  There's even room for the moon. 

And there's room for 18, and 19, and 20... and you can save some of 17 too.

It's hard to grow up sometimes, but it gets easier when you remember you can save your favorite parts.  You can save all the bike rides and concerts and quesadillas you made senior year. You can save 'Buffet Singles Ward Sundays' and that time you roller bladed to Macey's last summer.

You keep your courage and I'll keep my eyes and we can sit on this little porch all night.




-Linds

Counting Stars

How about we talk about heaven or the people we want to be. 

How we want to be brave and we want to be kind and how we're not quite ready to grow old yet.  

Let's drive through the stoplights and say silent prayers.  Let's listen to Drops of Jupiter in the rain. Let's sit on my porch and look at the stars and laugh about all the things we thought we knew once.

Let's talk about our dreams and our fears, and I'll smile because we're young and it's easy to forget we're supposed to be afraid sometimes.   

Let's walk through the trees and look at the moon.  Let's drive through the canyon and talk about the way real life feels so far away sometimes.  
Tell me your favorite words, and I'll give you some of mine.  
And maybe once we're through talking we'll remember how it feels to be alive again.

I'll lie in the grass, and you'll look at the stars, and I'll smile because this moment will live forever.

And when it's done, and when we're through, I'll come back to this little home I've made.  And I'll close my eyes, and I'll bite my tongue, and I'll try to say thanks for all of the beautiful things I remembered tonight with you.  


-Linds

( For You )

 If I were to write a book, I'd write about that tree outside my window.  I'd write about watching the snow fall and reading in the leaves.  I'd write about playing basketball that day and how it was so beautiful that I still go there in my head sometimes.  

I'd write about that day we went sledding and midnight hikes and that time they asked me about the perfect day and I just smiled because I've already lived so many perfect ones with you.

I'd write about the leaves that fell last fall and waiting for the snow to melt.  I'd write about the new things and the old things and the way I was happy then... the way I'm happy now.

I'd tell you to say thank you more often and to write more things down.  I'd tell you to remember the important things and to have faith in the small ones.

If I were to write a book, I'd call it Prayers from the Bathroom Floor, because to me that's what life is.  It's winter days and summer nights and hiding behind a wooden fence just to look up at the stars and say thank you.   

And I love that.  

If I were to write a book, I'd dedicate it to you, with your sarcastic jokes and overwhelming faith.  I'd dedicate it to the days that go to quick and the nights that will last forever.  I'd dedicate it to the smiles and the insecurities and the happy struggles I'll never forget.

And I'm not there yet, but one day I'll write a book.  Because God has given me so many beautiful days, and your eyes are too bright to forget.  

-Linds

It’s How You See.

**for those of you who aren’t going to check out the new about page.

This blog is about cracks in the sidewalk.  It’s about beautiful people and looking for the moon.

It’s about new things and old things and the way the trees look after it first snows.  It’s conversations about heaven.  It’s prayers on the bathroom floor.

It’s aching hearts and tired eyes and remembering what it means to be sincere.  It’s about the stars and the sun and the people who always listened.  It’s about the road trips.  It’s about the things your mom always used to say.

This blog is about empty glasses.  It’s about the things we forget to see.

We’re growing up and we’re growing old and we’re still trying to figure out exactly who we’re supposed to be.  I think we’ll probably always be that way.  

But this blog is about noticing.  It’s about the things we forget to see.  Like sincere words and open hearts and the leaves falling outside our window.  It’s about dandelions in the front lawn.  It’s about cracks in the sidewalk.  It’s about the things we forget to see.

-Linds 

Ten.

11-1-12

My life is new here.  
I don’t think I ever told you that. 

It’s full of midnight talks and afternoon naps and yellow leaves outside my window.  It’s full of phone calls and surprise visits and a lot of looking up.  

Sometimes there are tears, but we try to make them happy ones. 

You find new people every where you go.  
Life’s funny that way.  

Some teach you about love, and some teach you how to fill up your gas tank.  Some teach you to be kind, some teach you to be brave, and some teach you how to stand up for yourself.  

There are new people here too.  There are new relationships, and new love, and new lessons to be found.  I’m just not sure where yet.

I like the grass here.  I like the trees too.  I like that I can look at the mountains as I walk in the morning, and I like that some people here have never seen the snow.  

My life is new here.
I think you probably already know.

It’s full of soccer games and late night runs and afternoons spent praying on the bathroom floor.  It’s full of new people and old people, and a lot of looking for the moon.   

My heart is in a lot of places now.  It’s on our hill, and it’s in your voice, and it’s stuck with those yellow leaves outside my window.  

And it’s still new somedays, 
and it’s anxious sometimes, 

but it’s happy here.  


-Linds.

Two Cents.

    

     Life is about living, and living entails happiness and sadness and joy and work.  Sometimes I forget the purpose, though, and I think to myself that it's just too hard.  Life is hard, and I think it again.  One day my mom heard my rantings and she laughed a little as she asked me this: Life is hard?  Do you really believe that? 

     She said it quietly, she said it slowly, and I thought.  It took a lot of years and a lot of questions before I realized that life isn't about being hard.  Life is simple, or it could be.  If we chose to smile, to work, to pray, to prioritize, it could be simple. 

      Let go of the things that aren't worth it.  Let go of the hurt feelings and let go of the people who put them there.  Let go and love.

      Do the things that matter, but don't mistake urgency for importance.  If you feel the inspiration, follow it, and if you find someone who needs love, give it.  Some days there are papers to be written and math problems to be solved, but I've found that when you make time running errands for God, He makes time for everything else.

      Live deliberately with love, with strength, with compassion, and everything else will fall into place.  There are bad things, and scary things, and hard things, but He can make them easier.

      Make today worth living.  Do something to make yourself better, happier, stronger.  Be aware and live today with a deliberate purpose and desire to grow.  And as you do you'll find love and joy and a new confidence in yourself.  You'll realize that there are some things that only you can do, some people who only you can bless.  And when you find that new love for yourself, life becomes easier.  It becomes an opportunity to serve and grow.  It becomes happiness, and everything else will work out.  

-Linds