openhearts

I took Katie home with me last Sunday.  I drove her all around.  We sat in your driveway and we talked on his stools and I showed her the intersection of 100 East and Center Street.  

Because I wanted her to see where everything happened.  

I wanted her to see where we road bikes and looked at Christmas lights and milked goats in your back yard.  I wanted her to see the roof we wished on and the deck where we played cards.  I wanted her to see the G and hill park and my little, one-step porch.

I wanted her to see the places where my heart grew. 

*** 

One day, you'll trade your little basement bedroom for a window on the third floor, and you'll give up your early morning classes for late night runs.  And you'll see faces you don't recognize, and you'll learn stories you've never heard.   

But, you know, something funny happens when you come to college.

Sunday night dance parties and fires in the canyon change faces you didn't recognize into people you don't want to forget.  

And you'll stay up late telling stories, because no one really sleeps here, and you'll start to realize why she smiles that way.  And you'll hear about past love and happy days and all those times they went to In and Out at midnight.

And she'll listen to you too.  

And it's like, all of a sudden, you'll start to see all of the moments and people and love that made you.  And you'll kiss your thumb after every pinky promise, and fortune cookies will make you sentimental.  

And you'll go to sleep smiling because everything usually works out.  

***

I fell in love with the mountains on rainy mornings, and the way the stars shine brighter when it's warm outside.  

And we all see things a little differently, and nobody's love is exactly the same.

My heart needed that street lamp and hers got that that pretty wooden bench.

And we all see things a little differently, but I guess that's just because hearts don't grow the same.

-Linds

Happy Sunday.

We talked about Christ today, and she asked me to say all of the things that we've been saying for the past two weeks.  And she asked me to tell about all of the thoughts and words and stories we've found ourselves telling at three in the morning.

So, I thought for a minute, and this is probably what I should have said:

You know, I want to be brave, and I want to be kind, and I really want to be good.  They're little words, but they're big things, and I think about them a lot.  And I walk some days, and I whisper, I'll go where you want me to go, dear Lord.  Not because I always do, but because I want to have a heart that follows.

But there are days when I'm not kind and I'm not brave.  I don't always listen, and sometimes I forget to call.  Sometimes, I don't look for the good in people, and somedays it's easier just not to try.  

And you know, my heart isn't perfect, and neither is my love.  

But I want it to be.  

I want my words to be sincere.  I want my heart to be kind and my voice to be gentle.  I want to see the good in others, even though I don't all of the time.

Mostly, I want to look at the world and see things the way my Savior does.  I want to see the hurt that he saw, and I want to see the faith.  I want to find the joy and the love and the talents that I don't always take the time to look for.

I don't ever want to be too tired, or too hungry, or too busy to help.  Because He never was.

And I'm not even close to there yet.  I haven't even left, and somedays that just doesn't feel like enough. 

But I think about my Savior.  I think about His hands and His voice and His heart.  I think about all the days He's protected me and all of the times He's watched. 

And I know that He saw me keep walking because I was too afraid to stop.  And He saw bite my tongue, even after he had given me the words.  And I know that He knows that my love isn't quite enough yet.  

He knows my trials and my desires and the things that make me scared.  

I know He knows my heart.

And sometimes I think that maybe that's enough for now.  Maybe it's enough that I want to be kind, and I want to brave, and I really want to be good.

Maybe it's enough that I try to see the good in people and that I follow the best that I can.  Maybe it's not about keeping score.

And maybe life's not about being perfect right now.  

Maybe, just telling Him that you want to be is enough.


-Linds 

Sentimental Hearts

I've been thinking about the mountains lately.  I've been thinking about all the nights I've spent there.  

That's something that I remembered a lot when I first came to school.  Hiking the G at midnight.  We didn't really want to, but somehow we found ourselves together there.

I remember the whispers as we walked, and I remember the lights we saw once we got there.  I remember the leaves and the dark the warm air.

Mostly, though, I remember that we didn't have any words.  Mostly because we didn't need them.  That night was about the clouds and the sky and realizing that this really was our home-- at least for a little while.  

And I remember saying thank you, with every part of my heart.  And I remember wondering if, quietly, you were saying thank you too.

*     *     *

I have this dream that one day, long after I've gone, you'll come back to this place just to see if it really was as beautiful as I always promised.

And when you do, I hope you'll open your eyes and find all of the love and thanks and life here that we did.


-Linds

Counting Stars

How about we talk about heaven or the people we want to be. 

How we want to be brave and we want to be kind and how we're not quite ready to grow old yet.  

Let's drive through the stoplights and say silent prayers.  Let's listen to Drops of Jupiter in the rain. Let's sit on my porch and look at the stars and laugh about all the things we thought we knew once.

Let's talk about our dreams and our fears, and I'll smile because we're young and it's easy to forget we're supposed to be afraid sometimes.   

Let's walk through the trees and look at the moon.  Let's drive through the canyon and talk about the way real life feels so far away sometimes.  
Tell me your favorite words, and I'll give you some of mine.  
And maybe once we're through talking we'll remember how it feels to be alive again.

I'll lie in the grass, and you'll look at the stars, and I'll smile because this moment will live forever.

And when it's done, and when we're through, I'll come back to this little home I've made.  And I'll close my eyes, and I'll bite my tongue, and I'll try to say thanks for all of the beautiful things I remembered tonight with you.  


-Linds

( For You )

 If I were to write a book, I'd write about that tree outside my window.  I'd write about watching the snow fall and reading in the leaves.  I'd write about playing basketball that day and how it was so beautiful that I still go there in my head sometimes.  

I'd write about that day we went sledding and midnight hikes and that time they asked me about the perfect day and I just smiled because I've already lived so many perfect ones with you.

I'd write about the leaves that fell last fall and waiting for the snow to melt.  I'd write about the new things and the old things and the way I was happy then... the way I'm happy now.

I'd tell you to say thank you more often and to write more things down.  I'd tell you to remember the important things and to have faith in the small ones.

If I were to write a book, I'd call it Prayers from the Bathroom Floor, because to me that's what life is.  It's winter days and summer nights and hiding behind a wooden fence just to look up at the stars and say thank you.   

And I love that.  

If I were to write a book, I'd dedicate it to you, with your sarcastic jokes and overwhelming faith.  I'd dedicate it to the days that go to quick and the nights that will last forever.  I'd dedicate it to the smiles and the insecurities and the happy struggles I'll never forget.

And I'm not there yet, but one day I'll write a book.  Because God has given me so many beautiful days, and your eyes are too bright to forget.  

-Linds

Learning To Love Again.

If there’s one thing I am for sure, other than starry-eyed and a bit too apprehensive, it’s sentimental.  

I love pictures, and letters, and I save old ticket stubs-- even the ones from terrible movies.  I keep old fortunes, and I guard every note.  I could tell you where I was a year ago.  I could tell you how it felt to live that day. 

Maybe it’s my sentimental heart, or maybe it’s my eyes that can’t seem to forget all the love they’ve seen.  The truth is, I’m not sure where the idea comes from, but I used to think that in order to love someone it took a lot of time, it took a lot of days, it took a lot of ticket stubs.

I still believe that sometimes.    

I’ve been thinking, though, and maybe love isn’t just about how long you’ve known someone or how many BLT sandwiches you’ve shared.  Maybe, sometimes, love is simpler than that.  

Maybe it’s not about the words you’ve said or the tears you’ve shared.  Maybe it’s not about the days.  Maybe it’s not about the time.  Maybe love is just a choice.

***

Sometimes I find myself looking at old pictures that hang on my wall, and I wonder how I’ll ever find people like you again.  

You’ve blessed me, and you’ve changed me, and you’ve been the subject of many thankful prayers.  

Sometimes I find myself looking at old letters, and I wonder how I’ve already collected so much love.  

There are other days, though, when I hear your laughter down the hallway or I see you walking with your eyes toward the sky, that it’s easy.  

Sometimes I don’t need pretty words or a day full of trampolines and “christmas in a cup” to love you.  


-Linds



     

You.

I look at the sky sometimes, and I wonder how on earth God knew.  

How did He know just how much I would need you?  

Love is beautiful, and love is strong.  And I think it’s been around for a lot longer than we remember.  

I like to think that a long time ago I promised you some things.  Way before we even spoke our first words to each other.  Way before fiddler on the roof and BLT sandwiches.  Way before New Years or last August.  Way before today.  

I like to think that a long time ago I promised you some things.  

I think I found my mama first, and led her by the hand, like she always done for me.  I looked for my daddy, but he was already at the party setting up chairs; he’s always been a step ahead of me.  Then I found Breezy, and told her I’d buy her Panda if she came along.  I found Mckay, and I’m pretty sure all I had to do was ask.  Then I found Brayden, and I’d bet that he took my pinkie and promised me before I even said a word.  I found Lauren, and Haley, and Alley.  They said they’d come if we could watch movies and sleep in the living room after.  

And then I found everyone else, probably some people I don’t even know yet.  And everyone came, and everyone laughed, and everyone was happy.  And then I said, “I’m going to need you an awful lot down there.”  And then I said, “...because you’re my best friend."

I want you to know that you’re still my best friend. And I’m pretty sure I love you just as much today as I ever did.

And sometimes I wonder if maybe we aren’t so much creating new relationships here as remembering old ones. 

-Linds

  

Thanks Giving.

Let's be honest-- I've lacked inspiration these last coupld of months.  I don't think it's lost though, it's just tired. 

But there's something about being so blissfully in love-- in love with this beautiful place, in love with these extraordinary people-- that inspiration can't help but to notice.

And it seems only fitting that on this week of Thanksgiving I feel nothing but love and adoration. 

This place I live is beautiful, and I'm thankful for it every day.  Yesterday I sat with my greatest friend late into the night and watched the snow fall.  And I just sat and wondered how any one moment could be so perfectly whole and beautiful. 

These people I have are incredible and I am thankful that I have them every day.  We play in the snow and drink hot chocolate together.  Sometimes we have group hugs and I pray silently.  Sometimes I don't say much, mostly just thank you.  Thank you for giving me this much love.  Mostly I just ask that He'll let me feel so much love forever. 

But sometimes I say a lot and ask that He'll lead them towards all of their dreams, even the crazy ones, and that when they finally get there that it'll be just as beautiful as they had always imagined.  Or at least that it'll be as beautiful as this moment right now. 

And there is a lot to be thankful for. Like my clothes and my room and my car.  But the truth is, right now I don't really care because love is all you really need. And when I kneel down again tonight love is what I'll be thankful for.

-Linds

because it was so human

The sun doesn't always shine, and neither do people

And somedays i expect too much from them,

and judge too quickly of them,

and think too little for them.

When the truth is I just don't know enough about them.



-linds.