Sentimental Hearts

I've been thinking about the mountains lately.  I've been thinking about all the nights I've spent there.  

That's something that I remembered a lot when I first came to school.  Hiking the G at midnight.  We didn't really want to, but somehow we found ourselves together there.

I remember the whispers as we walked, and I remember the lights we saw once we got there.  I remember the leaves and the dark the warm air.

Mostly, though, I remember that we didn't have any words.  Mostly because we didn't need them.  That night was about the clouds and the sky and realizing that this really was our home-- at least for a little while.  

And I remember saying thank you, with every part of my heart.  And I remember wondering if, quietly, you were saying thank you too.

*     *     *

I have this dream that one day, long after I've gone, you'll come back to this place just to see if it really was as beautiful as I always promised.

And when you do, I hope you'll open your eyes and find all of the love and thanks and life here that we did.


-Linds

Counting Stars

How about we talk about heaven or the people we want to be. 

How we want to be brave and we want to be kind and how we're not quite ready to grow old yet.  

Let's drive through the stoplights and say silent prayers.  Let's listen to Drops of Jupiter in the rain. Let's sit on my porch and look at the stars and laugh about all the things we thought we knew once.

Let's talk about our dreams and our fears, and I'll smile because we're young and it's easy to forget we're supposed to be afraid sometimes.   

Let's walk through the trees and look at the moon.  Let's drive through the canyon and talk about the way real life feels so far away sometimes.  
Tell me your favorite words, and I'll give you some of mine.  
And maybe once we're through talking we'll remember how it feels to be alive again.

I'll lie in the grass, and you'll look at the stars, and I'll smile because this moment will live forever.

And when it's done, and when we're through, I'll come back to this little home I've made.  And I'll close my eyes, and I'll bite my tongue, and I'll try to say thanks for all of the beautiful things I remembered tonight with you.  


-Linds

Tag.

Looks like I got an award. 

Thanks to miss mandi right here.  You should probably check here out because she’s said some real nice words.  She also reads a lot of real nice words.  Basically, she’s just real nice with a side of cute boyfriend pictures and you should probably check her out right here.


Eleven Facts About Linds 

1.  I recently found this guy, Mike Falzone, from this cute girl’s blog.  I have been watching his videos for days.  So good.

2.  I’m a student at BYU.  I don’t think I ever told you that.

3.  My favorite thing to do is sit under trees this time of year.   The leaves always fall on my head.  

4.  I really like people and grilled cheese sandwiches with raspberry jam.

5.  Pretty words get to me.  More than most things.  

6.  I never really read through these things when other people post them.

7.  I’ve lived in Utah my whole life.. minus the part where I was born in Wyoming.

8.  Forgetting scares me.  So do regrets.

9.  I really like people I can just sit and talk with.  I think sometimes we forget how much we need them.

10.  I’m proud of my family.  Mostly those three little girls.  

11.  I want to be kind, and I want to be happy, but mostly I just want to be like my mama.  

Miss Mandi’s Questions

1. if you could meet any author, past or present, who would it be?


Thomas Payne.  No Doubt.  Have you read The American Crisis?  Read it.  


2. what is your patronus? 


Probably a monkey. 


3. favorite time of day & why?


Have you ever heard this?  

“I’ve always liked the time before dawn because there’s no one around to remind me who I’m supposed to be, 


so it’s easier to remember who I am.”


I like that, and I guess it’s because I like those times too.  It’s that time late at night when I’m all alone, and I lay in my bed and look up at the sky through my window.  It’s just me and the moon, and I like that.  


4. what is your favorite thing to do by yourself?


My favorite thing to do is write the things that make me happy or sad or thankful.  My favorite thing is to write the things I want to remember.  


5. crayons, colored pencils, or markers?

Colored Pencils.


6. favorite quote & what it means to you?


"Live in such a way that people who know you but don’t know Christ will want to know Christ because they know you.”


&

“Sometimes people are beautiful.

Not in looks.

Not in what they say.

Just in what they are.”

Because I really believe that.  Both of those things.  People are beautiful, and the truth is you can teach a lot of people about Christ just by being happy and kind.  You can teach a lot of people about Christ just by loving them.  You can teach a lot of people about Christ just by being you.  

7. if you could meet anybody in the blogging world who would it be? (please leave a link.)

Lexi, she’s really great and really cute.  It’s kinda funny because we used to smile at each other in the hallway with that “we totally mutually blog stalk each other” look.  You all know the one.  But seriously, she’s great. 


8. what do you want to name your first child?


Brandon.  Keepin it simple.


9. what is your "go to" comfort food?


Lately? Coasta Sweet Pork Nachos.  Oh... and cafe rio mints. 
 


10. who is your hero & why?


Blake, Mckay, Brayden, Chris. 

Mostly just because I admire that group of boys.  I admire the choices they make and the people they’re becoming.  

11. what is your favorite family tradition.


Sleep overs with the sisters under the Christmas tree.  


So, I’m not going to tag anyone just because I’m thinking that I kinda missed the boat on this whole thing.  But if you haven’t had a chance, you’re it.


-Linds

Learning To Love Again.

If there’s one thing I am for sure, other than starry-eyed and a bit too apprehensive, it’s sentimental.  

I love pictures, and letters, and I save old ticket stubs-- even the ones from terrible movies.  I keep old fortunes, and I guard every note.  I could tell you where I was a year ago.  I could tell you how it felt to live that day. 

Maybe it’s my sentimental heart, or maybe it’s my eyes that can’t seem to forget all the love they’ve seen.  The truth is, I’m not sure where the idea comes from, but I used to think that in order to love someone it took a lot of time, it took a lot of days, it took a lot of ticket stubs.

I still believe that sometimes.    

I’ve been thinking, though, and maybe love isn’t just about how long you’ve known someone or how many BLT sandwiches you’ve shared.  Maybe, sometimes, love is simpler than that.  

Maybe it’s not about the words you’ve said or the tears you’ve shared.  Maybe it’s not about the days.  Maybe it’s not about the time.  Maybe love is just a choice.

***

Sometimes I find myself looking at old pictures that hang on my wall, and I wonder how I’ll ever find people like you again.  

You’ve blessed me, and you’ve changed me, and you’ve been the subject of many thankful prayers.  

Sometimes I find myself looking at old letters, and I wonder how I’ve already collected so much love.  

There are other days, though, when I hear your laughter down the hallway or I see you walking with your eyes toward the sky, that it’s easy.  

Sometimes I don’t need pretty words or a day full of trampolines and “christmas in a cup” to love you.  


-Linds



     

my whole heart

We went to the mountains, in the winter.  It’s January, and the people’s latest complaint has been for the lack of snow, but it’s there.  All it takes is a few yards of mountain, and you’ll find it.  


We walked, and I looked at the stream: the ice and the ripples in the water.  There was just enough snow to turn my nose pink and place goosebumps on my forearms.  


The trees were so tall, and I had to look all the way up to that forewarning sky, full of pink and orange clouds, just to see their tops.  All their leaves had fallen-- excluding a few who refused to let go... and I wondered if perhaps it was in fear of leaving the only life they had ever known.  I’m still amazed by how beautiful they had looked; how strong and faithful they seemed even through the dead of winter.  Even amidst their darkest nights, they clung on. 


We walked over a worn bridge and down a ways to the waterfall; it looked like an ice castle.  There were icicles, and the sun shown down into that little canyon.  My eyes were again drawn to the ripples in the water as it rushed down the little hill, seamlessly.  


And as we looked back I couldn’t help but to think, “If this isn’t nice then I don’t know what is.”* And we talked about the mountains, and I thought about the sunshine as he walked with me.


And I guess all I’m really wondering is, when was the last time a moment was so beautiful that you paused to thank God for it?


-Linds

*Kurt Vonnegut has the most beautiful words.

only threehundredandsixtyfivedays away

One year from now, I hope to be here once again--lying on my light green bedspread, looking at the Christmas lights that hang above my window--thinking about who I've become.

I hope then to look in the mirror just to tell myself once more that God knew exactly where He was taking me all along.

I hope that I'll look at my hair since grown and my countenance since brightened just to realize what I've always had a hard time believing--even my happiest days will get happier.

I hope to look back on twenty-twelve with such love and gratitude toward who I've become and all of the people who've made me that way.  I hope that I'm still listening to Noah and the Whale because of the way they make my heart beat a little slower.  I hope that my smile is just as wide and that I don't lose too much of the person I've become.  Except maybe the way I bite my nails when I'm nervous or the way I sometimes forget to say, I love you.  

Yes, I hope to be better, greater, smarter, kinder, but I like who I am, too.  I like the way I see the moon and the stars shining in the sky at night.  I like the way I feel close to people even when I don't really know them. And I don't think I could bare to lose that.

I hope to look and smile at the person I've become.  

Til then, I'll savor every smile and tear and breath I get this year.  Sitting here, thinking, I'm already filled with an overwhelming excitement toward my future.  And despite the astonishing amount of tears, and goodbyes, and, "I will remember you forever's" I see in my near future, I know I'm so incredibly blessed to feel this way.  

I expect tears and an ache in my stomach when I leave you, because, really, you're the only life I've ever known and you've been good to me.  My God has been good to me.

And I guess as long as I really believe that I have to believe that He'll take care of tomorrow, too.  And I guess when you really begin to believe that, there's no more room for fear. 

Cheers.

-Linds