happy, & thankful, & full

Time has always been a good teacher.

It teaches you how to walk, and it teaches you how to do algebra, and it even teaches your aching heart how to heal sometimes.  It teaches you who you can call when it’s eight o’clock on a Sunday, and you run out of gas.  It teaches you the quickest way to the nearest Taco Bell and how to be patient sometimes. 

But the greatest thing 20 years ever taught me is the difference between being happy and being full.

Happiness is simple.  Happiness can be faked, and you can buy it too.  Happiness is people who make you laugh and five new pairs of shoes.

But I don’t want just happy.

I want to wake up in the morning saying thank you, and I want to feel the cold air all the way down to my bones.  I want late-night talks and to look at the stars because I have to believe that they were just a big dream too once.

I want so much more than happiness.  

I want to feel full.  Full of love, and full of faith, and full of that cold air outside my window.  

You know those days you wake up saying thank you?  And you sing all the way to school even though it’s snowing?  And you look at the trees, and you think about your Savior, and life is all okay and pretty and not perfect, but you love it that way anyway?

That’s the kind of happy I want to be today and always. 

When I think about that little basement apartment and the hammocks outside their window or the way this fall almost had me convinced that the only thing that should ever fall from the sky is leaves or  Park City or that floral couch and late-night talks by the fire..

My heart is happy, & thankful, & full.

It’s more than just “happy.”

And that’s the kind of happy I hope we’ll be today and always. 

openhearts

I took Katie home with me last Sunday.  I drove her all around.  We sat in your driveway and we talked on his stools and I showed her the intersection of 100 East and Center Street.  

Because I wanted her to see where everything happened.  

I wanted her to see where we road bikes and looked at Christmas lights and milked goats in your back yard.  I wanted her to see the roof we wished on and the deck where we played cards.  I wanted her to see the G and hill park and my little, one-step porch.

I wanted her to see the places where my heart grew. 

*** 

One day, you'll trade your little basement bedroom for a window on the third floor, and you'll give up your early morning classes for late night runs.  And you'll see faces you don't recognize, and you'll learn stories you've never heard.   

But, you know, something funny happens when you come to college.

Sunday night dance parties and fires in the canyon change faces you didn't recognize into people you don't want to forget.  

And you'll stay up late telling stories, because no one really sleeps here, and you'll start to realize why she smiles that way.  And you'll hear about past love and happy days and all those times they went to In and Out at midnight.

And she'll listen to you too.  

And it's like, all of a sudden, you'll start to see all of the moments and people and love that made you.  And you'll kiss your thumb after every pinky promise, and fortune cookies will make you sentimental.  

And you'll go to sleep smiling because everything usually works out.  

***

I fell in love with the mountains on rainy mornings, and the way the stars shine brighter when it's warm outside.  

And we all see things a little differently, and nobody's love is exactly the same.

My heart needed that street lamp and hers got that that pretty wooden bench.

And we all see things a little differently, but I guess that's just because hearts don't grow the same.

-Linds

Sentimental Hearts

I've been thinking about the mountains lately.  I've been thinking about all the nights I've spent there.  

That's something that I remembered a lot when I first came to school.  Hiking the G at midnight.  We didn't really want to, but somehow we found ourselves together there.

I remember the whispers as we walked, and I remember the lights we saw once we got there.  I remember the leaves and the dark the warm air.

Mostly, though, I remember that we didn't have any words.  Mostly because we didn't need them.  That night was about the clouds and the sky and realizing that this really was our home-- at least for a little while.  

And I remember saying thank you, with every part of my heart.  And I remember wondering if, quietly, you were saying thank you too.

*     *     *

I have this dream that one day, long after I've gone, you'll come back to this place just to see if it really was as beautiful as I always promised.

And when you do, I hope you'll open your eyes and find all of the love and thanks and life here that we did.


-Linds

the view from upstairs

Did I mention there’s a window here?
There’s a window and a tree.  

And it really is the most wonderful thing.  

Sometimes I lie with an open window late into the night.  I turn out the lights, and I look up at the sky.  It’s dark, and it’s wonderful, and it even feels like home sometimes.  Mostly because God’s there.  

Sometimes I talk to Him too.  I ask Him to say all of the things that I can’t right now.  I ask Him to listen.  Mostly I try and say thank you, though, and that’s mostly because He loves me.  And I’m thankful for that.

Sometimes I look up through my tree just to find the moon.  I always do, and I always smile.  Mostly because life really is the most wonderful thing, and the moon has always reminded me of that.

-Linds

given much

I've spent a lot of words saying thank you lately.  Thank you for  this place and those stars and my leopard spotted blanket.  And I keep saying, "Thank you for this abundance of love."  

And I said it again last night.  

I've been thinking about that a lot lately, abundance, I mean.  And you know what I think?  I think that there is an abundance of wealth and love and good in this world.  I think that that's the catch we all forget.  

We have this idea that there isn't enough.  So, we need to ration and take and divide.  

But I don't think I really believe that.  I think that there is enough love and wealth and goodness for all of us.  There is an abundance of opportunity.  There is an abundance of love.  

Our trouble comes when we forget that God made enough when he created us.  We're creators.  We create love and wealth and goodness.  

So, if there isn't enough, go make more.  Take all your love and kind words and pretty thoughts and big ideas and faith and equations and goals and desires and ambitions and add them.

There is an abundance of good things.  Thank God for it, and then add yours to it.  

Share your talent and your love and your passion with the world. Find something wonderful, and then smile or laugh or cry because you think it's beautiful.  Do what you love, and then share it with the world. Write it or speak it or yell it.  Lift someone up. 

Go out and look to the sky and find what it is that you have to give, and then give it everything.  

Stop complaining about the lack, and go and create more.   

And the beautiful thing is, there is enough love and opportunity for everyone.  If we all create, it can only get bigger.  


-Linds

New Love

6-24-12

Every summer, I seem to find myself sitting here on this front porch.  It’s little, but there’s just enough space for two people to squeeze on, and I’ve found that that’s all I’ve ever really asked of it anyway.  I look out to the dark weeds growing through the sidewalk and the blue shutters hanging from the house across the street. There are bumble bees next to me, and my feet feel warm on the pavement. 

And I say thank you because I can breathe here.   

Your heart changes sometimes, and so does your love.   

Sometimes you need to remember what it feels like to be alone.  Not because there aren’t plenty of people to be with or because there isn’t plenty of love to be found, but because sometimes you need to remember all the reasons you love yourself.  You are creative and happy and beautiful, and sometimes remembering that is the most important thing.

And sometimes you need to remember those things that make you happy, and sometimes the things that make you happy change.   


Today

It's hard to grow up sometimes.  Mostly because you're not sure what you love anymore.  Noah and the Whale might not always make your heart beat slower and one day you'll run out of late nights spent on the roof.  

Then again, you'll wake up one morning and realize that February is beautiful.  It's nice to see the sun again.  And there are trees everywhere you go, and people smile while they walk.  

And maybe you'll realize late nights spent in a dorm room can make you happy too, and waking up to the snow falling out your window is something to look forward to.  You'll have dance parties every Sunday, and letters come on Fridays now.

Your heart changes sometimes, and so does your love.

But all that means is there's more room. There's room for midnight drives and late night calls and time spent looking out your window.

There's room for vanilla scented candles and Boy Meets World marathons and nights spent dancing to 'Stolen' by Dashboard.  There's even room for the moon. 

And there's room for 18, and 19, and 20... and you can save some of 17 too.

It's hard to grow up sometimes, but it gets easier when you remember you can save your favorite parts.  You can save all the bike rides and concerts and quesadillas you made senior year. You can save 'Buffet Singles Ward Sundays' and that time you roller bladed to Macey's last summer.

You keep your courage and I'll keep my eyes and we can sit on this little porch all night.




-Linds

Counting Stars

How about we talk about heaven or the people we want to be. 

How we want to be brave and we want to be kind and how we're not quite ready to grow old yet.  

Let's drive through the stoplights and say silent prayers.  Let's listen to Drops of Jupiter in the rain. Let's sit on my porch and look at the stars and laugh about all the things we thought we knew once.

Let's talk about our dreams and our fears, and I'll smile because we're young and it's easy to forget we're supposed to be afraid sometimes.   

Let's walk through the trees and look at the moon.  Let's drive through the canyon and talk about the way real life feels so far away sometimes.  
Tell me your favorite words, and I'll give you some of mine.  
And maybe once we're through talking we'll remember how it feels to be alive again.

I'll lie in the grass, and you'll look at the stars, and I'll smile because this moment will live forever.

And when it's done, and when we're through, I'll come back to this little home I've made.  And I'll close my eyes, and I'll bite my tongue, and I'll try to say thanks for all of the beautiful things I remembered tonight with you.  


-Linds

( For You )

 If I were to write a book, I'd write about that tree outside my window.  I'd write about watching the snow fall and reading in the leaves.  I'd write about playing basketball that day and how it was so beautiful that I still go there in my head sometimes.  

I'd write about that day we went sledding and midnight hikes and that time they asked me about the perfect day and I just smiled because I've already lived so many perfect ones with you.

I'd write about the leaves that fell last fall and waiting for the snow to melt.  I'd write about the new things and the old things and the way I was happy then... the way I'm happy now.

I'd tell you to say thank you more often and to write more things down.  I'd tell you to remember the important things and to have faith in the small ones.

If I were to write a book, I'd call it Prayers from the Bathroom Floor, because to me that's what life is.  It's winter days and summer nights and hiding behind a wooden fence just to look up at the stars and say thank you.   

And I love that.  

If I were to write a book, I'd dedicate it to you, with your sarcastic jokes and overwhelming faith.  I'd dedicate it to the days that go to quick and the nights that will last forever.  I'd dedicate it to the smiles and the insecurities and the happy struggles I'll never forget.

And I'm not there yet, but one day I'll write a book.  Because God has given me so many beautiful days, and your eyes are too bright to forget.  

-Linds

It’s How You See.

**for those of you who aren’t going to check out the new about page.

This blog is about cracks in the sidewalk.  It’s about beautiful people and looking for the moon.

It’s about new things and old things and the way the trees look after it first snows.  It’s conversations about heaven.  It’s prayers on the bathroom floor.

It’s aching hearts and tired eyes and remembering what it means to be sincere.  It’s about the stars and the sun and the people who always listened.  It’s about the road trips.  It’s about the things your mom always used to say.

This blog is about empty glasses.  It’s about the things we forget to see.

We’re growing up and we’re growing old and we’re still trying to figure out exactly who we’re supposed to be.  I think we’ll probably always be that way.  

But this blog is about noticing.  It’s about the things we forget to see.  Like sincere words and open hearts and the leaves falling outside our window.  It’s about dandelions in the front lawn.  It’s about cracks in the sidewalk.  It’s about the things we forget to see.

-Linds 

Tag.

Looks like I got an award. 

Thanks to miss mandi right here.  You should probably check here out because she’s said some real nice words.  She also reads a lot of real nice words.  Basically, she’s just real nice with a side of cute boyfriend pictures and you should probably check her out right here.


Eleven Facts About Linds 

1.  I recently found this guy, Mike Falzone, from this cute girl’s blog.  I have been watching his videos for days.  So good.

2.  I’m a student at BYU.  I don’t think I ever told you that.

3.  My favorite thing to do is sit under trees this time of year.   The leaves always fall on my head.  

4.  I really like people and grilled cheese sandwiches with raspberry jam.

5.  Pretty words get to me.  More than most things.  

6.  I never really read through these things when other people post them.

7.  I’ve lived in Utah my whole life.. minus the part where I was born in Wyoming.

8.  Forgetting scares me.  So do regrets.

9.  I really like people I can just sit and talk with.  I think sometimes we forget how much we need them.

10.  I’m proud of my family.  Mostly those three little girls.  

11.  I want to be kind, and I want to be happy, but mostly I just want to be like my mama.  

Miss Mandi’s Questions

1. if you could meet any author, past or present, who would it be?


Thomas Payne.  No Doubt.  Have you read The American Crisis?  Read it.  


2. what is your patronus? 


Probably a monkey. 


3. favorite time of day & why?


Have you ever heard this?  

“I’ve always liked the time before dawn because there’s no one around to remind me who I’m supposed to be, 


so it’s easier to remember who I am.”


I like that, and I guess it’s because I like those times too.  It’s that time late at night when I’m all alone, and I lay in my bed and look up at the sky through my window.  It’s just me and the moon, and I like that.  


4. what is your favorite thing to do by yourself?


My favorite thing to do is write the things that make me happy or sad or thankful.  My favorite thing is to write the things I want to remember.  


5. crayons, colored pencils, or markers?

Colored Pencils.


6. favorite quote & what it means to you?


"Live in such a way that people who know you but don’t know Christ will want to know Christ because they know you.”


&

“Sometimes people are beautiful.

Not in looks.

Not in what they say.

Just in what they are.”

Because I really believe that.  Both of those things.  People are beautiful, and the truth is you can teach a lot of people about Christ just by being happy and kind.  You can teach a lot of people about Christ just by loving them.  You can teach a lot of people about Christ just by being you.  

7. if you could meet anybody in the blogging world who would it be? (please leave a link.)

Lexi, she’s really great and really cute.  It’s kinda funny because we used to smile at each other in the hallway with that “we totally mutually blog stalk each other” look.  You all know the one.  But seriously, she’s great. 


8. what do you want to name your first child?


Brandon.  Keepin it simple.


9. what is your "go to" comfort food?


Lately? Coasta Sweet Pork Nachos.  Oh... and cafe rio mints. 
 


10. who is your hero & why?


Blake, Mckay, Brayden, Chris. 

Mostly just because I admire that group of boys.  I admire the choices they make and the people they’re becoming.  

11. what is your favorite family tradition.


Sleep overs with the sisters under the Christmas tree.  


So, I’m not going to tag anyone just because I’m thinking that I kinda missed the boat on this whole thing.  But if you haven’t had a chance, you’re it.


-Linds