the view from upstairs

Did I mention there’s a window here?
There’s a window and a tree.  

And it really is the most wonderful thing.  

Sometimes I lie with an open window late into the night.  I turn out the lights, and I look up at the sky.  It’s dark, and it’s wonderful, and it even feels like home sometimes.  Mostly because God’s there.  

Sometimes I talk to Him too.  I ask Him to say all of the things that I can’t right now.  I ask Him to listen.  Mostly I try and say thank you, though, and that’s mostly because He loves me.  And I’m thankful for that.

Sometimes I look up through my tree just to find the moon.  I always do, and I always smile.  Mostly because life really is the most wonderful thing, and the moon has always reminded me of that.

-Linds

given much

I've spent a lot of words saying thank you lately.  Thank you for  this place and those stars and my leopard spotted blanket.  And I keep saying, "Thank you for this abundance of love."  

And I said it again last night.  

I've been thinking about that a lot lately, abundance, I mean.  And you know what I think?  I think that there is an abundance of wealth and love and good in this world.  I think that that's the catch we all forget.  

We have this idea that there isn't enough.  So, we need to ration and take and divide.  

But I don't think I really believe that.  I think that there is enough love and wealth and goodness for all of us.  There is an abundance of opportunity.  There is an abundance of love.  

Our trouble comes when we forget that God made enough when he created us.  We're creators.  We create love and wealth and goodness.  

So, if there isn't enough, go make more.  Take all your love and kind words and pretty thoughts and big ideas and faith and equations and goals and desires and ambitions and add them.

There is an abundance of good things.  Thank God for it, and then add yours to it.  

Share your talent and your love and your passion with the world. Find something wonderful, and then smile or laugh or cry because you think it's beautiful.  Do what you love, and then share it with the world. Write it or speak it or yell it.  Lift someone up. 

Go out and look to the sky and find what it is that you have to give, and then give it everything.  

Stop complaining about the lack, and go and create more.   

And the beautiful thing is, there is enough love and opportunity for everyone.  If we all create, it can only get bigger.  


-Linds

New Love

6-24-12

Every summer, I seem to find myself sitting here on this front porch.  It’s little, but there’s just enough space for two people to squeeze on, and I’ve found that that’s all I’ve ever really asked of it anyway.  I look out to the dark weeds growing through the sidewalk and the blue shutters hanging from the house across the street. There are bumble bees next to me, and my feet feel warm on the pavement. 

And I say thank you because I can breathe here.   

Your heart changes sometimes, and so does your love.   

Sometimes you need to remember what it feels like to be alone.  Not because there aren’t plenty of people to be with or because there isn’t plenty of love to be found, but because sometimes you need to remember all the reasons you love yourself.  You are creative and happy and beautiful, and sometimes remembering that is the most important thing.

And sometimes you need to remember those things that make you happy, and sometimes the things that make you happy change.   


Today

It's hard to grow up sometimes.  Mostly because you're not sure what you love anymore.  Noah and the Whale might not always make your heart beat slower and one day you'll run out of late nights spent on the roof.  

Then again, you'll wake up one morning and realize that February is beautiful.  It's nice to see the sun again.  And there are trees everywhere you go, and people smile while they walk.  

And maybe you'll realize late nights spent in a dorm room can make you happy too, and waking up to the snow falling out your window is something to look forward to.  You'll have dance parties every Sunday, and letters come on Fridays now.

Your heart changes sometimes, and so does your love.

But all that means is there's more room. There's room for midnight drives and late night calls and time spent looking out your window.

There's room for vanilla scented candles and Boy Meets World marathons and nights spent dancing to 'Stolen' by Dashboard.  There's even room for the moon. 

And there's room for 18, and 19, and 20... and you can save some of 17 too.

It's hard to grow up sometimes, but it gets easier when you remember you can save your favorite parts.  You can save all the bike rides and concerts and quesadillas you made senior year. You can save 'Buffet Singles Ward Sundays' and that time you roller bladed to Macey's last summer.

You keep your courage and I'll keep my eyes and we can sit on this little porch all night.




-Linds

See, One Tree Hill is good for a lot of things.

“It’s the oldest story in the world. One day you’re seventeen and planning for someday. And then quietly and without you ever really noticing, someday is today. And that someday is yesterday. And this is your life.”

                                               -my boy, Nathan Scott

It's midnight drives to the grove.
It's almond joy ice cream.
It's Mat Kearney and Dashboard and missing those yellow leaves.

It's frosted car windows
and visiting little red headed girls.

It's dream catchers and frozen toes.
It's pictures of you on my wall.
It's phone calls and late nights and missing that little truck.

It's old friends kept and new ones made.
It's long books and good people and figuring out what to do with forever.


And this is my life.  


-Linds

my place on the hill

Honestly, I don't remember a lot.

I don't remember what it smelt like or how the air tasted or even really what I was doing there.  I don't know if I was overwhelmed or happy.  I'm not sure why I was alone.

I remember the mountains, though.
I remember my leaky truck.  
I remember the lights and the lake and rolling down the hill in the summer.

And I'm not sure what I thought there, or why I always tried to make that hill my favorite place.

All I know is, I would give up a lot of days and grilled cheese sandwiches to sit up on my hill again. 

I'd walk to my car and roll down the window, even though it's winter and it's cold.  And I'd drive, and I'd drive, and I'd drive... just to sit on my hill, just to see the lights, just to be home... 

Just to drive right back.

And maybe it doesn't really matter what happened there.  Maybe it doesn't really matter if it smelt like rain or if it smelt like cut grass.  

Maybe the only thing that matters is that it took me when I was overwhelmed, and it took me when I was happy.  Maybe the only thing that matters is, it was the home that gave me the stars. 


-Linds 

Counting Stars

How about we talk about heaven or the people we want to be. 

How we want to be brave and we want to be kind and how we're not quite ready to grow old yet.  

Let's drive through the stoplights and say silent prayers.  Let's listen to Drops of Jupiter in the rain. Let's sit on my porch and look at the stars and laugh about all the things we thought we knew once.

Let's talk about our dreams and our fears, and I'll smile because we're young and it's easy to forget we're supposed to be afraid sometimes.   

Let's walk through the trees and look at the moon.  Let's drive through the canyon and talk about the way real life feels so far away sometimes.  
Tell me your favorite words, and I'll give you some of mine.  
And maybe once we're through talking we'll remember how it feels to be alive again.

I'll lie in the grass, and you'll look at the stars, and I'll smile because this moment will live forever.

And when it's done, and when we're through, I'll come back to this little home I've made.  And I'll close my eyes, and I'll bite my tongue, and I'll try to say thanks for all of the beautiful things I remembered tonight with you.  


-Linds

( For You )

 If I were to write a book, I'd write about that tree outside my window.  I'd write about watching the snow fall and reading in the leaves.  I'd write about playing basketball that day and how it was so beautiful that I still go there in my head sometimes.  

I'd write about that day we went sledding and midnight hikes and that time they asked me about the perfect day and I just smiled because I've already lived so many perfect ones with you.

I'd write about the leaves that fell last fall and waiting for the snow to melt.  I'd write about the new things and the old things and the way I was happy then... the way I'm happy now.

I'd tell you to say thank you more often and to write more things down.  I'd tell you to remember the important things and to have faith in the small ones.

If I were to write a book, I'd call it Prayers from the Bathroom Floor, because to me that's what life is.  It's winter days and summer nights and hiding behind a wooden fence just to look up at the stars and say thank you.   

And I love that.  

If I were to write a book, I'd dedicate it to you, with your sarcastic jokes and overwhelming faith.  I'd dedicate it to the days that go to quick and the nights that will last forever.  I'd dedicate it to the smiles and the insecurities and the happy struggles I'll never forget.

And I'm not there yet, but one day I'll write a book.  Because God has given me so many beautiful days, and your eyes are too bright to forget.  

-Linds