The Most Beautiful Thing

I don’t usually share things on here, 

but these boys have some serious talent.  

And sometimes I think about how cool people really are.  

Today, my professor gave the prayer at the beginning of our last lecture.  He said, “...and bless these students that they’ll live a life that honors thee.”

I think we use the gifts God gives us to bless others.

And that’s what this reminds me of.

It’s How You See.

**for those of you who aren’t going to check out the new about page.

This blog is about cracks in the sidewalk.  It’s about beautiful people and looking for the moon.

It’s about new things and old things and the way the trees look after it first snows.  It’s conversations about heaven.  It’s prayers on the bathroom floor.

It’s aching hearts and tired eyes and remembering what it means to be sincere.  It’s about the stars and the sun and the people who always listened.  It’s about the road trips.  It’s about the things your mom always used to say.

This blog is about empty glasses.  It’s about the things we forget to see.

We’re growing up and we’re growing old and we’re still trying to figure out exactly who we’re supposed to be.  I think we’ll probably always be that way.  

But this blog is about noticing.  It’s about the things we forget to see.  Like sincere words and open hearts and the leaves falling outside our window.  It’s about dandelions in the front lawn.  It’s about cracks in the sidewalk.  It’s about the things we forget to see.

-Linds 

Tag.

Looks like I got an award. 

Thanks to miss mandi right here.  You should probably check here out because she’s said some real nice words.  She also reads a lot of real nice words.  Basically, she’s just real nice with a side of cute boyfriend pictures and you should probably check her out right here.


Eleven Facts About Linds 

1.  I recently found this guy, Mike Falzone, from this cute girl’s blog.  I have been watching his videos for days.  So good.

2.  I’m a student at BYU.  I don’t think I ever told you that.

3.  My favorite thing to do is sit under trees this time of year.   The leaves always fall on my head.  

4.  I really like people and grilled cheese sandwiches with raspberry jam.

5.  Pretty words get to me.  More than most things.  

6.  I never really read through these things when other people post them.

7.  I’ve lived in Utah my whole life.. minus the part where I was born in Wyoming.

8.  Forgetting scares me.  So do regrets.

9.  I really like people I can just sit and talk with.  I think sometimes we forget how much we need them.

10.  I’m proud of my family.  Mostly those three little girls.  

11.  I want to be kind, and I want to be happy, but mostly I just want to be like my mama.  

Miss Mandi’s Questions

1. if you could meet any author, past or present, who would it be?


Thomas Payne.  No Doubt.  Have you read The American Crisis?  Read it.  


2. what is your patronus? 


Probably a monkey. 


3. favorite time of day & why?


Have you ever heard this?  

“I’ve always liked the time before dawn because there’s no one around to remind me who I’m supposed to be, 


so it’s easier to remember who I am.”


I like that, and I guess it’s because I like those times too.  It’s that time late at night when I’m all alone, and I lay in my bed and look up at the sky through my window.  It’s just me and the moon, and I like that.  


4. what is your favorite thing to do by yourself?


My favorite thing to do is write the things that make me happy or sad or thankful.  My favorite thing is to write the things I want to remember.  


5. crayons, colored pencils, or markers?

Colored Pencils.


6. favorite quote & what it means to you?


"Live in such a way that people who know you but don’t know Christ will want to know Christ because they know you.”


&

“Sometimes people are beautiful.

Not in looks.

Not in what they say.

Just in what they are.”

Because I really believe that.  Both of those things.  People are beautiful, and the truth is you can teach a lot of people about Christ just by being happy and kind.  You can teach a lot of people about Christ just by loving them.  You can teach a lot of people about Christ just by being you.  

7. if you could meet anybody in the blogging world who would it be? (please leave a link.)

Lexi, she’s really great and really cute.  It’s kinda funny because we used to smile at each other in the hallway with that “we totally mutually blog stalk each other” look.  You all know the one.  But seriously, she’s great. 


8. what do you want to name your first child?


Brandon.  Keepin it simple.


9. what is your "go to" comfort food?


Lately? Coasta Sweet Pork Nachos.  Oh... and cafe rio mints. 
 


10. who is your hero & why?


Blake, Mckay, Brayden, Chris. 

Mostly just because I admire that group of boys.  I admire the choices they make and the people they’re becoming.  

11. what is your favorite family tradition.


Sleep overs with the sisters under the Christmas tree.  


So, I’m not going to tag anyone just because I’m thinking that I kinda missed the boat on this whole thing.  But if you haven’t had a chance, you’re it.


-Linds

Ten.

11-1-12

My life is new here.  
I don’t think I ever told you that. 

It’s full of midnight talks and afternoon naps and yellow leaves outside my window.  It’s full of phone calls and surprise visits and a lot of looking up.  

Sometimes there are tears, but we try to make them happy ones. 

You find new people every where you go.  
Life’s funny that way.  

Some teach you about love, and some teach you how to fill up your gas tank.  Some teach you to be kind, some teach you to be brave, and some teach you how to stand up for yourself.  

There are new people here too.  There are new relationships, and new love, and new lessons to be found.  I’m just not sure where yet.

I like the grass here.  I like the trees too.  I like that I can look at the mountains as I walk in the morning, and I like that some people here have never seen the snow.  

My life is new here.
I think you probably already know.

It’s full of soccer games and late night runs and afternoons spent praying on the bathroom floor.  It’s full of new people and old people, and a lot of looking for the moon.   

My heart is in a lot of places now.  It’s on our hill, and it’s in your voice, and it’s stuck with those yellow leaves outside my window.  

And it’s still new somedays, 
and it’s anxious sometimes, 

but it’s happy here.  


-Linds.

Learning To Love Again.

If there’s one thing I am for sure, other than starry-eyed and a bit too apprehensive, it’s sentimental.  

I love pictures, and letters, and I save old ticket stubs-- even the ones from terrible movies.  I keep old fortunes, and I guard every note.  I could tell you where I was a year ago.  I could tell you how it felt to live that day. 

Maybe it’s my sentimental heart, or maybe it’s my eyes that can’t seem to forget all the love they’ve seen.  The truth is, I’m not sure where the idea comes from, but I used to think that in order to love someone it took a lot of time, it took a lot of days, it took a lot of ticket stubs.

I still believe that sometimes.    

I’ve been thinking, though, and maybe love isn’t just about how long you’ve known someone or how many BLT sandwiches you’ve shared.  Maybe, sometimes, love is simpler than that.  

Maybe it’s not about the words you’ve said or the tears you’ve shared.  Maybe it’s not about the days.  Maybe it’s not about the time.  Maybe love is just a choice.

***

Sometimes I find myself looking at old pictures that hang on my wall, and I wonder how I’ll ever find people like you again.  

You’ve blessed me, and you’ve changed me, and you’ve been the subject of many thankful prayers.  

Sometimes I find myself looking at old letters, and I wonder how I’ve already collected so much love.  

There are other days, though, when I hear your laughter down the hallway or I see you walking with your eyes toward the sky, that it’s easy.  

Sometimes I don’t need pretty words or a day full of trampolines and “christmas in a cup” to love you.  


-Linds



     

Open.

via

I know this isn’t groundbreaking news or anything, but I want you to know that God lives. 

And I’m not saying that because it will change everything. And I’m not saying that just to say it. 

I’m saying it because somedays it helps just to know.

I’m saying it because once you know you’ll look for Him, and you’ll find Him in the stars.  You’ll see the smiles as you walk and the frost on your window,and you’ll think of Him.  You’ll hear His words and you’ll learn His voice and you’ll smile because you know.  And once you know you’ll look for Him, and you’ll find Him in your eyes.  

Your heart will grow, and your eyes will too, and at some point you’ll realize you’re happy.  And you might not remember exactly when it happened, or how it happened, but I hope in that moment you’ll remember God lives.

Because He has a way of changing things.

And sometimes it helps just to know. 

-Linds 

Talent & Swag.

So, here’s to another beginning!  

The blog has been revamped with the help of my wonderful, and very talented roommate Katie!  

Check her out, seriously though. You can read about our photo shoot and see some of her other work.  I’m in love with it.

-Linds 


  

You.

I look at the sky sometimes, and I wonder how on earth God knew.  

How did He know just how much I would need you?  

Love is beautiful, and love is strong.  And I think it’s been around for a lot longer than we remember.  

I like to think that a long time ago I promised you some things.  Way before we even spoke our first words to each other.  Way before fiddler on the roof and BLT sandwiches.  Way before New Years or last August.  Way before today.  

I like to think that a long time ago I promised you some things.  

I think I found my mama first, and led her by the hand, like she always done for me.  I looked for my daddy, but he was already at the party setting up chairs; he’s always been a step ahead of me.  Then I found Breezy, and told her I’d buy her Panda if she came along.  I found Mckay, and I’m pretty sure all I had to do was ask.  Then I found Brayden, and I’d bet that he took my pinkie and promised me before I even said a word.  I found Lauren, and Haley, and Alley.  They said they’d come if we could watch movies and sleep in the living room after.  

And then I found everyone else, probably some people I don’t even know yet.  And everyone came, and everyone laughed, and everyone was happy.  And then I said, “I’m going to need you an awful lot down there.”  And then I said, “...because you’re my best friend."

I want you to know that you’re still my best friend. And I’m pretty sure I love you just as much today as I ever did.

And sometimes I wonder if maybe we aren’t so much creating new relationships here as remembering old ones. 

-Linds

  

Your Soul is Rooting for You

I want to be honest.  

I want you to know that this is hard.  Today is hard.
  
And I want you to know it isn't easy to admit that.

And I want you to know I’m not looking for sympathy; I am already surrounded by love.  I don’t want your worry or your tears either; this life is a happy one.  I’m only saying this because I want you to know that I’m sad too sometimes.  And it’s ok to admit that.  

I’m only saying this because I want you to know that you’re not alone.

You may be in the dark and not know what you’re doing, but you aren’t alone there.  Even when things are hard, and you want to cry, but you don’t because you want to brave more.  Even when you don’t tell anybody, not even your little blog, because you’re afraid of saying, “I’m still lonely sometimes.” 

You’re afraid of saying, “I don’t know what I’m doing still.” 

You’re afraid of saying, “help me.” 

I want you to know you aren’t alone there.  

I want you to look in the mirror.  Look through the misplaced hair and the streaks that stain your face.  Look in the mirror right now.  and I promise that in your eyes you’ll see it.  You’ll see hope.  There’s something inside you that wants you to succeed.  There’s something inside you that knows you will.  Even when things are hard, even when things are new, even when your heart aches; your soul is rooting for you.  There is something inside you that is beautiful and strong. It’s there, I promise.  And It knows how you feel and what you think. And It knows things are hard sometimes, but that you’ll make it anyway.  I promise that you’ll find it there if only you’ll look.  It’s inside you, and I know because I’ve seen it there.  I’ve seen it inside me, too.  

Some days are hard, but I hope you’ll have the courage to keep moving.  And I know that you will, because even if you don’t know it now, there is greatness in you.  And it’s greater than anything that’s ever known this earth.  And if you’ll always remember that, maybe we’ll be able to do something great together. 

-Linds  

Would you Listen if I Told you a Secret?

I want you to know that this wasn’t the plan.  You know, this crazy hair and un-cut grass and empty flower vase.  

I never planned on forgetting.  I never planned on closing my eyes. I never planned on losing my voice. I was supposed to see the moon, and taste the stars, and feel this full forever.

But then the leaves fell and the colors changed and somewhere in-between the fireworks and forever I forgot something.  And suddenly life wasn’t so easy, and it wasn’t so perfect.  


And I forgot what it meant to be satisfied. 

And it wasn’t until I found myself sitting curbside, waiting for the rain, that I heard the telephone ring. 

I said, “Hello” and so did he.  He said, “how are you?” and I said, “fine.”  It was very casual, very short.  It was a, I-just-stopped-by-for-a-quick-hello, sort of thing. But when he asked about my future, I decided to be honest.  So, I said, “I don’t know.  I don’t know.  I don’t know.”  And then, without a thought, he said, “Ahhh, but you know the important things.”

And I’ve thought a lot about that, the important things I mean.  I’ve thought about faith and I’ve thought about grace and I’ve thought an awful lot about God.  And it’s funny how my heart changes just by thinking about Him.  And I’ve thought about love and friendship and how thankful I am for their abundance.  And I’ve thought about life and the earth and how it isn’t always perfect, but things always manage to work out anyway. 

I think, and I think, and I think… and, slowly, I start to remember.  I remember the moon and God and Breezy. I remember Christmas lights and orange shakes and every star.  I remember the uncut grass and how it’s not so bad for napping in.  And I’m full again. 

And I guess all I’m really trying to say is I hope you'll remember the important things.     

So when the day comes that your hair refuses to stay in place and your heart decides to ache and your light burns out and your flowers die and your eyes decide to water, it’ll be ok.  And it’ll be ok because you decided a long time ago that faith could heal your aching heart and God would always dry your tears. 




-Linds 

Taste it.

I lie on my bed, closing my brown eyes.  I’m tired, but I let the sunshine climb in through my window to lie beside me. I’m full to the brim with kneaders french toast and early morning runs. 


There’s a yellow daisy on my dresser, and my days consist of bare feet, best friends, and bicycle rides.  


And I’ve thought of one thousand ways to say it, but I guess I just liked this one best; I’m happy.  So, so happy.


-Linds

Mine.

“This place where you are right now,

 God circled on a map for you.”
-Hafiz

 And I think about that park, way up on the hill.  About my little red truck with the leaky roof occupying its one lonely stall. How, it was there, on that rainy October day, pleading with me to stop and to notice that fantastic sky.  It wasn’t there to whisper vain promises but to assure me that if I’d just look up for a moment, I’d feel the light again.  And that little bit of light I found, at that little park, way up on the hill, was all it took, and I saw the love again.

And I think about walking down that empty hall today, with an arm wrapped so tightly around the sides of my two greatest friends.  And as we walk, I am reminded of that warm summer night, seven months ago.  The night we sat together on her roof, protecting each other from the cool breeze of the night.  Even then, I had them locked there beside me.  And that’s where they’ve been ever since.  And as we walk, together, I think to myself, How lucky is it that God made me to fit perfectly between the two of you? 

And I think about the library, and my front porch, and that stool I’ve claimed in his kitchen. I think about the ’tramp of secrets’ and her bedroom and that corner in Van Dijk’s class where we used to sit. I think about the sunflower field. 

And never once have I looked down to check for certain, but looking back on it now, I could have sworn there was a circle labeled, “for my Lindsey” lying there beneath my feet. 

-Linds

The Light.

The Words They Gave:

Even

After

All this time

The sun never says 

To the earth

“You owe me.”

Look

What happens 

With a love like that

It lights the 

Whole

Sky.

-Hafiz

“We are unusual,

and tragic, and alive.”

-Dave Eggers

If people sat outside and looked at the stars each night, I’ll bet they’d live life a lot differently.

“There are people who put their dreams in a little box and say, ‘yes, I’ve got dreams, of course I’ve got dreams.’ Then they put the box away and bring it out once in a while to look in it, and yep, they’re still there.  These are great dreams, but they never even get out of the box.  It takes an uncommon amount of guts to put your dreams on the line, to hold them up and say, ‘How good or how bad am I?’  That’s where courage comes in.”

-Erma Louise Bombeck

“When so many are lonely, as seem to be lonely, it would be inexcusably selfish to be lonely alone.”

-Tennessee Williams

“There are several ways to react to being lost.  One is to panic.  Another is to abandon yourself to lostness, to allow the fact that you’ve misplaced yourself, to change the way you experience the world.”

-Her Fearful Symmetry

“Have courage for the great sorrows of life and the patience for the small ones.  and when you have laboriously accomplished your daily task, go to sleep in peace.  God is still awake.”

-Victor Hugo

“I looked at her, and knew as clearly as I know I am to die. that I loved her more than anything I had ever seen or imagined on earth or hoped for anywhere else.”

-Lolita

“Im going to make everything around me beautiful-- that will be my life.”

-Elsie De Wolfe.

I was reading through my little box of happy today, when I found this:

“ March 18, 2011

  Sometimes I wonder, after one billion years, if any of my thoughts are original. If anything I think is actually a new, one-of-a-kind, Lindsey original.  And I quickly conclude, nope, probably not. 

But, to be honest, I’ve always thought it was more brilliant coming from me."

  And I guess that’s why I write.  You take one adjective on a string and tie it to a noun and somewhere in-between you whisper, “I love you.” and that somehow makes it all ok again.
  
And I write because my world has crashed and it’s been beaten and bruised and left crying alone in the corner. 


And I write because somewhere in that empty, cold space, at some point in time in all that loneliness, I wanted to know that there was still hope somewhere.  And in that bleak abyss it seemed my only escape was to cry out and share that darkness with you.  


Not so you would embrace the fear but so your words could abolish it.  
So that you could say, “Hey now, come here.  Come here, into the light, come here.”  
So that you could say, “I know it’s dark and I know it’s hard, but if you’d just jump one star over you’d feel it, the sunshine I mean, and be happy again.”  


And it’s your words that lead me home again.  


And to me it doesn’t matter if I ever say one original word again.  To me, it doesn’t matter at all.  Because there has been more heart ache in this world then I could ever possibly comfort.  There has been more love than I could ever fully express.  There has been more happiness than I could ever possibly gratify.  And it’s funny because there are more words than I could ever possibly say, and even if I said them all, it still wouldn’t satisfy you.  

And when it all comes down at the end of my life, after all my words have been spent, you’ll all only have really needed to hear one thing:

You are not alone.  I’m here, I understand, and I love you.

Ah, you know that’s right.

-Linds